


Holding onto You

by tsutupid



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Depression, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slice of Life, as they should've, reader and atsumu has a redemption arc yo!, smile n nod might delete or reconstruct this little shit, the way this flopped!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:47:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 43,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25989967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsutupid/pseuds/tsutupid
Summary: Being someone who's born to have every aspect of privileges in life, Miya Atsumu don't have to rely on someone who failed to stand up on their own, who had a miserable life and planned to do nothing about it. Slowly, he realised that the person who he paints as pathetic was trying their best too, and that him, even with being the best thing this world has ever had, needs to hold onto someone too. Just weird that the person he hates so much is the one who made him walk to this day.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Reader
Comments: 40
Kudos: 68





	1. Chapter 1

It started off quite terrible for you that morning. Waking up the fresh sunlight of Hyogo makes you crave that ripple of water around you and nothing like a few hours of swim could help you ease down the heat enveloping your entire body. Crazy how your mom is still bundled up in that fluffy comforter she used for years now. Since you have nothing else to do than laze around the tiny apartment you and your mother lived alone in after a few years you'd just say screw it, took your swimming gears, your wallet, spare clothes and ran for the bus. Didn't realize it was that much of a problem until you pull an Usain Bolt and ran for the bus, lucky someone stopped it for you though.

"God I am so sorry uncle" you tapped the sensor with your identification card while bowing down to the uncle and earned a scoff from him. As you were putting your card back inside your wallet the bus started off its journey and just like the cliché teenage love story it is, your body flew backwards into the arms of a muscular guy who you have assumed to be a teenager judging on the smug look. God how embarrassing it is to be you living in this blazing hot sun with just a fucking t-shirt and black shorts with slippers and your face? Shitty. Who in the goddamn virtual world would walk out the house being too cranky like you are right now? Even worse you have to run with the slippers who had another few days to live before it breaks into two since the rubber looks so crusty it could break like a glass. Not to add how you frustratingly flew to the back, your sticky body on his hands, his disgusts apparent on his face while he looks at your face upside down.

"I am so sorry are you okay?" You reached for the handles of the bus while fixing your entire messed up looks gained from the 5-minute long experience of an adventure to get into the bus. "Sayin' sorry is yer hobby or sumn? S'okay worry about yourself" the guy replied. Now that you're standing beside him, stealing occasional glances while he looks out of the window you might say this is a lucky day (please minus the embarrassing part when your slipper got taken off as you were running for the bus). The guy is crazily attractive. Oh you were cursing the universe alright. God was unfair. How are you a whole potato sack of nothing dared to live in the same world with him, let alone standing next to each other. He is perfect! His sharp jaw, with his lazy stupidly handsome smirk and droopy eyes. And the hair??? THE HAIR. You mentally writes something about ruffling his bleached hair in your dying wishes you start writing when summer break starts, just for fun before high school starts. Oh have we talked about his deep voice?

Yeah. 'This guy just ended me' The way he flawlessly spoken those few words to you like no problem (im sorry you can't remember the exact amount of time with how many words he had exchanged cause all thoughts are about his irresistible looks!) "Are you going to gawk at me all day or what?" You blushes, like an idiot. Being a really hopeless romantic like you who have never lived a proper life because you just lack every aspect, every corner of your body. Let's say it simply you are just too basic. Never had someone crushing on you, never gets liked back, suck at school and sports. You are exceptionally good at swimming which you also claimed as one of your specialty but you still are stucked in the phase of your middle school years because no one wants you in the swimming team and no one can give a reason for that. So you decided to just let it die and not swim for the school and just make it about you, which explains why you're in the bus. Right, the community pool. Crazy how this guy made you forget about all the plans you want to do today in the pool.

As he makes a mental note that you gives him weird vibes because of the half-assed appearance and the loser-like way of social interactions he just makes sure you and him will not share another conversation (even if it does, you're ending up saying sorry again) and so he pushes the button and steps out of the bus as soon as it halts. You watched him get into the coffee shop while the view of his rather dashing looks faded out before you. You'd rather not make a big deal out of it anyway since the guy is a complete stranger. Only good thing that you might remember him by is because of his face and his lingering touch on you. 'Absolutely unimportant, move on" but as you dived into the community pool that is a bus ride away from your place, your mind is filled with only him.  
-  
High school started several weeks after, since summer vacation is over. You had convinced yourself that middle school won't repeat itself again, the humiliation and isolation you have to go through just because you are affiliated with a cousin who is involved with some big deal crimes a 15-year old should not be involved in is just unfair to you. At least your cousin is the only one who would humour and company you all the way through junior high. That is until he got caught for drug abuse and gang fights which got him into a juvenile school that's so far away from you. You missed him quite a lot and how exactly are you going to survive high school without him around? It is even worse when the very first seconds you step into the shoes locker room you saw that big-headed piggy haired sly bitch you knew since junior high that has been up on your ass just because you accidentally pushed her into the damn school's swimming pool. Not your fault that the bitch was tip-toeing over the edge while you were bending over your body to stretch! 

"Oh look at how lovely this place is, the delinquent has to follow me all the way through high school. I'd say this is an obsession" the whimsical fox identified as Watanabe starts speaking. The way she screamed, god do you want to die now please yes. You're convinced everyone around the locker room heard what she said about you. She even went as far to mock you by asking if you had something that can "spike" her and you understand everything that she intended to do, embarrassing you. Some stares at you with a really grossed out look, some laughed and some just didn't care. 'Of course, here goes another phase, wasted'

As bad as it sounds you were glad that you're a college prep student. Being in Class 1-4 is good enough to make sure your studies are evened out well, and you're already thinking about what you need to do about swimming club entrance, also considered to try out the mathletes club you saw some people attend. Everything seem cute the first week, well minus the part on how Watanabe had different tactics to humiliate you every morning you saw her. Since she made a whole flock of people hated talking to you, decisions have been made. You are not going to make friends with anyone here so you just have to be there for yourself for three years and make plans for college.

Oh oh not so easy. Not until you saw the one guy who had occupied your mind for weeks before the school started, chattering with his friends in the cafeteria. Safe to say you were kinda speechless. Of course you have to be, the bleached-haired-guy is just too charming to not fawn over and now that you found out that he goes to the same school as you, shares the same age as you....college is over. This guy right here is your main focus. You learned that his name is Miya Atsumu and he is in fact popular, just as you thought.

There are many things you learned about him days after that, you found out he plays volleyball and is passionate in it to the point that he wants to make it pro. Or at least that is what you hear from being at the volleyball gym almost every day after classes ended. He is from Class 1-1. Not the smartest to say the least but he is decent, said that he promised to work on his school life as much as volleyball just so he can be on a higher level than he is now. He also has a twin! Identical one. The other half of him looks the same as he did except this one has grey hair. Thank the lords for the colour codes or else people would mistake them as each other. His brother, Miya Osamu is a tad bit different than he is. Composed and humble while he is just another jock who loves the attention and is a notorious heartbreaker of Inarizaki High School. 'No way this is not stalking this is just me being observant for the first time in my life" you scoffed at the inner you who makes you feel wronged for doing all this. The whole girls population in the school has a crush on Miya Atsumu, including you, except those who said Osamu is the better twin but it is just the same thing. They're twins after all. 

You do not know what strikes you that day but you just do it any way. Your plans for college went astray and you give zero point zero bullshit about that because you are tired of this school and everyone in it except the Miyas. (Rule #1 of liking someone you have to like their entire family). At this point of high school, months after you know how it works you just stopped caring about what people feel about you. 100% of the things that are said to you was shrugged off and goes to the dump. Zero shit. Not even the great Watanabitch can faze you. This is why you're here at the school gate, waiting for the charming volleyball setter to finish his practice with a packet of freshly baked cookies you bought downtown yesterday. 

When he is at the entrance, you called for him. "Miya-san! I have cookies for you and I hope you enjoy it. Take a good rest you must be tired" you take out the simplest sentence you could form just so he could understand the sincerity because you do want him to be in the best condition, your school's athlete and your crush. Atsumu just put on his casual smirk which you screamed internally at, said his gratefulness to the cookies and left. That is just it, and since you thought it is okay for you to do that you have been doing it once a week, every Friday after school and never got an answer more than one simple sentence which is a "thanks". Occasionally you would watch their practices after you are done with making swimming laps since the volleyball gym stood right next to the pool.  
-  
"Oi Miya are ya not going to do something about the chick who watched over you every damn day? Kind of annoyin at this point" Suna finally broke the silence while the whole volleyball team cools down after they're done practicing. Osamu didn't budge since he knows this isn't about him so he just laughed a little while Atsumu just told Suna to shut up. "It annoys me more than it did to you, don't flatter yourself" Atsumu looks to the stands at the gym and saw you hair all wet in your windbreaker while hugging your bag. You smiled a little and waves at him. "There are like tons of otha girls who likes me but this one just bugs me a lot.” Atsumu said and scowls at the thought. “She's prolly waiting for ya to ask her on a date or sumn" Ginjima spoke as he smiled like a buffoon at you who was engrossed at the sight of Atsumu while he pushes his body forward to have his hands reach his toes. "Nah she would get bored waiting I'll just leave her be" Atsumu gets up and proceeds to clean the gym as they are done for the day and the entire week since it is Friday. He saw you left the gym with your bad slung on you, hair messy now with a bag of cookies in hand. "Atsumu's gettin his weekly cookies supply again ~~" Ginjima said in a mocking voice and dramatically twirls his non-existent long hair, earning a butt spank from the blonde Miya. "Shut da hell up Gin I know yer just jealous" Atsumu said as he puts all the balls inside the cart along with Suna. "Fuck" Suna curses as he dropped the ball on the ground. "The hell Suna you can't cuss when Kita-san's around!!" Osamu smacks the back of Suna's head while the other two first-years laughed at Suna. "It just...crossed my mind..." Suna pauses and looks around, the others are getting impatient to what he was about to say. "That?????" All eyes on Suna as Atsumu tried to make him snap back to his senses. "What if.....um [Name] put something inside yer cookies....do you know about her...." all of them comes closer as Suna's words turns into whispers. "Do you know that—" all four of them felt the presence of Kita-san around them and Suna just stopped talking and moved to carry the stray balls on the gym floor. 

As soon as they finished changing themselves into the school uniform they walked to the school gate together, and saw you at the gate patiently waiting for the setter and you smile when you see him. "Hey, you guys did well at practice earlier!" Your bright grin reaches to your ear and it confuses Suna as to why you look so innocent when there are so many people who claimed you to be someone who got associated with the drug lord or devil's sacrament because that is what he hears about you most. You look decent he think. And so does the rest of the first-years who walk together with him.

"Oh yeah, Atsumu this is for you. Have a great weekend bye!" You walk away backwards while bowing to them and hurriedly walk towards the bus stop heading to your house. Suna heaved a relieved sigh as soon as you left because he does not want to make things awkward like he didn't just try to talk bad about you earlier in the gym. They all walked towards the other way from where you were heading and Suna sighs in relief, again, knowing that they won't have the chance to have you trample in their way. "God I feel suffocated when she's near me. She makes me feel endangered sometimes" Suna said and slowly rubbed his chest to calm down his beating heart. "Why so?" They carried on walking while Suna just lets out blabbering nonsense to make himself calm down. "Since I went to the same middle school as she was before, I can say she is not the nicest student...she...was involved in a drug case and got questioned for it. Doubted as a culprit too" Ginjima gapes at that and clenches his teeth "What the fuck that is so weird??? How is she still on our school grounds when she is a culprit?" they all had a deadpanned expression except Atsumu since he is the one who is kind of associated to her in some ways, also had interacted together. (Yeah interaction. All he said was thanks and left) "Apparently she was not charged in any way since she has no idea what it was actually about before. She was just really close to her cousin who is the same age as her, also the rest of us. They're really close like siblings. If no one knows about them being cousins people will think they're fraternal twins as they are basically inseparable. But things change, he became friends with a delinquent from our old school and tried drugs, which she had no idea of and somehow she got involved because she was coming to his friend's place to pick him up to take him to her house which is a lot safer and the police got them because someone reported them" Suna ends his speech with a sigh and studies the reaction of his teammates, which was promising. Ginjima looks like he just finished a crime Netflix series, Atsumu looks like he did something illegal and Osamu just laughs at Atsumu's priceless reaction. "And the way this is all true and it was confirmed when she was suspended from school for about a week, got removed from her spot on the swimming meet, officially removed from the club and everyone dismissed her since then" Suna just ended it like that and wondered over how exactly was your cousin caught only when you arrive to the scene and just shrugged at that. (He seems a bit fishy about how it happened but he kept his mouth shut since that is what his mom said to avoid the police from making him speak about this whole issue since you and Suna were classmates) 

Atsumu went straight to the bin and threw the cookies you made for him (you thought that it is better to give homemade cookies instead of the ones from bakery to make you feel his undying love for you and he admits it is good but he will never let you hear it) "Heh why did you throw it away?" Osamu pouts as Atsumu looks back at him. "Ya never let me taste it whatta cheapskate. And then ya scream like you're about to die when I took yer pudding away from you which is s'pposed to be mine!" Atsumu just scoff at him and said "Yeah I would be happy if you got high from taking that cookies that she made by herself with her known past of getting associated by a Japanese drug lord or sumn, I saved yer sorry ass you're very welcome ya scrub" Osamu just paused from walking and the crew just laughed along with it and continued their journey home. 

This is just a bit too overwhelming to him. He never really paid attention to you and your antics of giving him cookies and small letters of encouragement, just never planted an idea that you were somehow a criminal before you are an Inarizaki High student. Too unbelievable. He never really pays attention to why that pretty Watanabe always picks on you whenever you were in her radar like commenting on how stupid you look wearing a pigtail braid to school, or how your hair looks too dried out it made you look ridiculous. And how you has a crush on Atsumu? The whole school knows because Watanabe took the cookies from you and eat it just like it was meant to be hers. Watanabe is a bully and he knows it, but it still didn't stop him from going on a date with her during the weekends just for a little distraction from his stuff about volleyball. It is just the first few months of high school and his first date has to be that Watanabe girl which so happens to be your bully and it is just perfect that you also has a crush on him and Watanabe uses all her power to make you feel uncomfortable about her relationship with Atsumu. As he walked inside his home, greeted his parents and left for his room he just thought that this whole mess of you should not have him involved and the best he can do is try to push you away by making you stop giving him the cookies you made for him.  
-  
You're in a mess right now. You have practiced swimming that you think your whole body is going to disassemble since it hurts too much. All the stretches and swimming strokes that you have done was considered enough to make you all prepped up for the try-outs on Monday. The seasonal high school sports competition is coming and you have all the right reason to be on the swimming team since you are exceptionally good in it and you are sure people will accept you again after the whole unfair treatment you have to go through in middle school. You're here in Inarizaki High to reclaim your spot as Hyogo's mermaid, as how your teachers used to call you, before you got involved with police under the acts of your cousin of course. You will never let this one taken away from you again, not after how you just had an important family member leave you alone, not after you see your dad walk away from you and your mother's life after divorce. That weekend you spent your whole time stretching and calming yourself for the try-out.

As you stretched your whole body preparing for a quick swim before the try-outs started, the seniors of the swimming club had gathered by the side of the pool to prepare for a mock tournament to pick the first years who will be joining in the competitive swimming that will be held in another month. It is good to be back after the whole ordeal of getting kicked out by your own friends during the second year of middle school, silently praying to yourself that everything is going to be okay again. "First-years! Line up here and give me your names." You jolted and rushed towards the line that was already forming in front of the vice-captain of the girls' swimming team. You were stretching your body lightly and fixes the swimming cap that you put on along with the goggles. "Name?" "Oh sorry...it's [Last Name] [Name]" the vice-captain froze in her stance. "Oh so you....never mind." You just felt something wrong is going on but negativity should be thrown away as you need all the mental pillars standing strong just to make it work this time. 

'I heard she used to take drugs'  
'She had a criminal record before'  
'What if she is good at swimming because she had steroids'

As you stood on the platform, ready to take off for the race you heard these words. It does hurt you but since your focus is to make it as Inarizaki's athlete you brushed it off and jumps when the whistle blows. You swam through the water while keeping your breath steady, turns your body when it reaches the end of the pool and kept on sprinting to earn first place. You tapped on the tile and moves up to catch your breathe as you reach the surface. You got first place and this might be the first time ever since you got into high school that you're happily giggling and smiling to yourself. Seeing everyone who competed get up from the pool and take their towels with them you did too, hastily wrapped your body with the windbreaker you had neatly folded from your training bag. After several rounds of swimming and practising while the seniors are picking the students to join the club, members and non-members are all required to line up near the stands of the pool. 

"So this marks the end of the try-outs for club entrance and also for the tournament and I am proud to say that our club is in good hands! A round of applause for everyone for the teamwork today!" Everyone clapped to it and some of the male seniors who were also there since it is a combined practice whistles, providing a lively environment in the pool area. "And here goes the new club members for this year. I will be saying the names and you have to step forward and introduce yourselves." After several names were said yours still hasn't left the captain's lips. You were just thinking that maybe your name is the last one except it is not. Only 3 new members are accepted and you're excluded from them. You. The one who placed first earlier. You were sure the third person who got picked was on the lane next to you and you saw how she finished quite some time after you. Why are you not picked?

After everyone had left the pool you reached out to the captain who stood alongside the vice-captain. "Captain...um...can I ask...something.." you said while fiddling your fingers. Something about how they stared at you just gives it away that it has to be because of the rumours about you having a drug history. "Why am I not picked? I got first place for the try-out? The one who got second is chosen but why not me?" you were sure your voice broke, your passion and only talent got taken away just because of a sick rumour which you had never had the effort to stand up for, it is your fault for staying silent about it because now, everyone who is in Inarizaki, knows about you, and they have no plans to forgive you for what you did. "Listen, the school board decided to not take you in, to avoid the case of suspicion of drug use. Your record is available in the police station and we know that they are watching over your moves and we do not want that much attention towards our school, and cheating is not one of our principles. I need to go now." the Captain said it in a breath and left you alone in the pool area without giving you a chance to stand up to yourself. (You are used to be the person who has no chance to explain yourselves and you have had it enough, so standing up to yourself right now is useless). What's sad is the fact that....it is true. The police will surely watch over your movements and you do not want that. The school will have troubles to face if they found out an accused is active in the sports and the fact that you're good at it made people believed in the fact that you took substances to win every swimming race you are in. 

Thoughts went through your mind just like the water flowing out of the shower head caressing your body as you are the only one left in the shower room. 'Tomorrow is a new day' you turned the shower lever, wrapped your body with a towel and left the shower room. Oh how unfortunate your life is now that you found out that someone took your school uniform away from you. Nothing is in your locker. Not even the windbreaker that you often used to cover up yourself with right after you're done swimming to cover up the skin that got exposed because of your swimming suit that is too revealing that everyone has attention to it. No one is in the locker room either. "Hey anyone there! This is not funny where are my clothes!?" You searched around the locker room and there is not a single breathing presence there and you tried your best not to panic. It is not going to help after you have been experiencing a lot of years having panic attack due to the constant harassment made by the ever so evil Watanabe Momo whom you have known since middle school. You took a breath and comes out of the locker room that is in the school building so there're still a handful of students in the school corridor as club activities just finished quite recently. And there you go, another wave of embarrassment in your high school life. But, there's literally no shame left in you. What' there to be shameful about? There are many allegations made against you, the infamous drug case, some said you joined a Satanic cult, some said you're a drug dealer's sugar baby, another said you have a channel on OnlyFans and were pretty famous for it, another said you sucked a dick to get into college prep class. Nothing about walking into the hallway with just a towel covering your body is going to make you feel like dying. You had it worse. And Watanabe Momo is just another dickwad that you have no business in pleasing. 

It has to be a lie if people don't look at you especially when you're having just a white towel securing your body and it stops at mid thigh. Some people are making fun of you while some gawk at you. The attention is making you smile because it can tick off the annoying bully who would have your clothes right now. So you walk up to her like that, breaches her personal space that you don't even care about since she has done worse things that you could only imagine. Your body is too close to each other now and you sternly ask her "Where are my clothes?" She can't give a reply to that. "Well why would I have your clothes" and she giggled. God if you have no patience left in your body you would have beat the living shit out of this girl but there's no time to waste on this loser who is so obsessed with bullying you. "Well, Watanabe you wouldn't like it if I have more attention than you have right now, would you? I'm not implying that I am delusional right now but those boys at the corner just said that I am hot like this. Thought that boys are the one who always flirt with you, no? You wouldn't want to lose fans because of me now right? So give it to me." You slyly smirk to her as you see her face fall at your words like that. The only way to bring down a bully is messing up their ego, works every time. "I don't have your clothes! Leave me alone!" She pushes you and moved away from the crowd that's staring to circle around you to which you frowned at. Seems like it didn't work enough since you're still clothless!

You just walked away from the corridor and sit at the bench that was situated near the pool, outside of the school corridor which the commotion occurred at. Sighing you just felt the need to remember all the events from today's swimming try-out. Why is it your fault that you're not compatible to be in the team? Why should the school care so much about reputation more than winning because you are able to win tournaments since you're too good at it? You heard some people say that you broke a senior's record or something as soon as you got out of the pool but all you cared about at the time was making it to the swim team. You can't even cry about this. Somehow during middle school you have grown numb about all the backlash you have gotten and this can't faze you. You were so deep in thoughts you didn't even realize someone put a jacket on your exposed body and your training bag at your feet. 

"Hey, here's all your clothes" you jolted and stood up from the bench when you realised it was Atsumu who draped the jacket on you. It was his maroon volleyball club jacket that he often uses after practice and you think that the oddly comfortable scent is his but you snapped and just shrugged your shoulders to give it to him back. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have your jacket, I already have mine, thanks." You decided to take off and leave with your bag but he took your wrist and sits you down right there. "Hey calm down, you don't hafta rush it is not like m goin' to ruin ya or sumn" Atsumu looks at you and rest his elbows on his knees. He was casually wearing a black tshirt and long white trackpants that he usually put on after practice and....you blushed at how attractive he is. You are convinced that this guy that you have liked since that small encounter in the bus is godsent. And how wonderful it is that he is the one to get your clothes back to you, not to mention a really charming move of his to put his jacket on you.

"Are ya ok?" Atsumu asked and took a glance at your already dried state, you now had your windbreaker zipped up covering your upper body and he took his jacket from your hands now that you don't need it anymore. "I-I have...no idea...just confused I think. You know it is a complete waste of time for you to help me but I am really thankful for the gestures...I don't deserve all this...but...yeah...thanks again.." you took your leave and went straight to the locker room to change yourselves. Atsumu has no business to be that kind to you and his gestures literally shook your entire body since you have been quite...obsessed...with the idea of him being around you but it ticks you off that he's kind to you? Like? That is not how things should work between you and him. It is better to just admire him from afar like how you are used to do these few weeks in Inarizaki High. 

That significant event of you and Atsumu, sharing the same seat near the gym and his genuine care to ask about your wellbeing makes you realise that maybe some people do care about you, and you think that it is...unnecessary. You are fluttered that it is Atsumu of all people but you are afraid that someday you depend on them too and when they leave you can do nothing for yourself. For now, you think that it is better for only you to care about him and support him from the shadows of your insecurity. The thought of just investing your time in supporting Atsumu pushes your lifelong dream of reclaiming your title as an athlete, your future is now blurred, and it was apparent as you walked back to the pool area and saw how uninterested you have become towards swimming. Your burning passion in swimming was taken for granted, and as you walk out of the gates of the high school you say “fuck my life anyways, I don’t care anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here goes the first chapter of the work! I'm still very sorry with how it turned out cause I, myself acknowledged it to be a bad writing but I promise you I will deliver with the utmost effort I had! I am still practicing! The updates won't be consistent I will update once I finish writing the said chapter so please bear with me aaaa 🥺


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Welcome to the second chapter of the fic...um so, I edited this since it has so many errors it hurts my eyes like crazy! please enjoy reading this and leave your thoughts on this fic as it matters so much to my growth as a writer because it has been too long since I wrote a fic! I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I do <<33 so much love

Months and a semester later you got into the second-year of high school, with no accomplishment. But if you take attending every match, official or practice match that Atsumu is in maybe then you have few of it. You can say the school (just the kids of course) has crowned you as the most dedicated Atsumu’s fangirl. You cringed at it but the fact that Atsumu’s name comes first had you going insane. Probably the reason why you got more shitted on like you did every other day. You can say the hallway accepting you with pissy welcomes and disgusting names, slurs is the new norm of your high school life. It was perfect, it helps distracts you from the fact that you should live a diligent life as a high school student, simply because you don’t want to. Then a stray ball comes in your way and you dodged it with the hand that was previously tugged under your chin. “I’m fine! Don’t worry!” the thing is no one really asked if you’re okay or not. Not even Atsumu. You get it by now. All of them are annoyed with your presence in the gym though you never let out one noise since Atsumu is sensitive to any noises that could make him distracted. Ever since you saw how he yelled at two girls who were loud when he was serving you shivered at the thought so when you’re inside the gym, you’re quieter than the mouse. The stray balls that was always sent your way had made you picked up your focus in time that you don’t even have to worry about it hitting your face because it came to contact with your hands first.

“She knows we don’t need her in here anymore now right?” Suna groans and gazes at Atsumu who is now going back to the back line of the court to prepare for his serve. “If you need her off Atsumu is the only one who can coax her to it, but it seems like someone loves the attention of the #1 Atsumu’s fan girl now riiiighht” Ginjima replies and laughs along with the middle blocker while staring at you on the stands. Your gaze is focused on him with a really calm but blank expression. The way you didn’t even break into a smile creeps him out. “I’on know about you guys but she seems like she is trying to enchant Atsumu or something” Suna was rubbing his forearms and shivered at the thought. Atsumu knows about how weird your liking towards him is yet he never really took it seriously. Your methods are just strange. The cookie gifts stopped but then you don’t have anything for him again but you do wish him a good morning and good luck for his games, few respectful bows here and then whenever you met in hallways. You never went out of your way to breach his personal space and flirt with him like people would normally do. He never saw you as an attractive person and never once asked you out on a date because he knows about the rumours and the facts about you and it does make him sit uncomfortably sometimes. To tell you off just like that without any reason is a little bit cruel especially when you’re just too unfortunate in your life so he just let it be. Someday he’s going to tell you off, when conditions are met.

“Leave her alone s’not like she’s up on yer ass anyway” and then he jump served a ball. After practice ended you came up to the boys when they finished cleaning up the gym. “You guys did great today, have a good rest.” You said while pulling off one end of your lips as an attempt to smirk to make sure they know your intentions was pure.“Can’t ya smile properly, you’re talking to your crush not your sworn enemy right?” your eyes widen and your cheeks warmed at it but it is not that visible cause you’re still not smiling. “Should I smile though? It is not like...he look at me..” you lowered your head and the long hair had helped to hide away your the embarrassment and you frowned. Atsumu just walk out of the gym leaving the rest in the gym and you left as well. You kept your distance and walk casually behind him, ignoring the loud noises coming from the pool and you just clicked your tongue at the thought. You’ve moved on from it but...you admit that it still ticks you off in some way and then you bumped into Atsumu’s back. “Oh, sorry, didn’t see that coming” he turned his body and now you’re facing him, stepping away to make some space. “What do you want, [Last Name]? Why are ya always following me and watching my every move like a damn hawk? Annoying. S’not like I’m gonna date ya. Waste yer time on someone else” he said and looks at you with one eyebrow quirking up. You stood still, staring at the ground. “Oi, ya hear me?” flinching, you looked up. “I do hear you, okay. I just—looking up to you distract me from something else and it makes me feel alive again...I don’t want your sympathy but can you please just ignore my presence? It is better that way.” You continued staring at the ground and fiddled with your fingers. Atsumu snorted at your reply. Such ridiculous excuse? Feel alive? Cringe. He thinks that maybe what people said about you being insane is true but he can’t help but feel the tug at his heart going on strong. Was it because you had too much shit to deal with and maybe this is one of your coping mechanism so he just walked away and thought that maybe he can do that much for you ; ignore your existence.

-

The days after your ‘confrontation’ you’d say it feels a little bit better. You’d look forward to see Atsumu walk around the school hallway every day, see him pass by your class when he goes out for recess, occasionally swings by after practice, but not being able to greet him feels like someone is stripping away one pillar that you needed to stay alive but you always try to recollect yourself and tried your best to stay though you’re doing nothing at the time other than fantasizing the scenario of you and Atsumu holding hands, and it gets worse when Watanabe kept on teasing the living shit out of you.

“Yeah we went on a date. We talk and talk and talk at the coffee shop in town and we eat together and then we watch a movie together, I held his hands!” you heard Watanabe practically screaming around with her friends about her 2-hour date that she was so frantic about. Though you knew Atsumu ran away after she was too loud in his ears and were very demanding. Atsumu is the type of guy that dates around with other students of Inarizaki but can never be in a relationship. You suspects he just loves volleyball too much and he probably wants to avoid any unnecessary distraction which is why you’re glad he didn’t date you, you were hoping for it to happen but his focus matters more than your dreams.

-

Atsumu ignoring your existence is a complete lie. Osamu had claimed that Atsumu is a habitual liar and always broke his promises and he was never fazed by it. But this time, when Suna saw through his facade, teased Atsumu and his sneaky glances to check you out in usual seat by the stands for your weekly attendance to their training sessions, he swore to make sure Suna had a bigass wound right on his forehead by the end of the practice. Suna being the brat that he is dared to initiate a silly argument and went on to casually talk about you in the middle of water breaks. “So who’s going to admit how cute [Name] really is?” Suna asks and gargled down the water from his bottle. Looking at the blonde twin in particular and gazed at the rest of the members who was sitting on the court, legs stretched out. “She’s moderate....not like extremely pretty but PRETTY pretty...” Ginjima said and stole a little glance to you. “but we all know that Atsumu thinks more than that” Ginjima snickers and so does the rest of the team. “Fuck yall I dun see it liddat” grumbles Atsumu and proceeded to continue stretching his limbs out and drink some water from his bottle. “Oh yeah? Then why are you a little too defensive and grumpy about it, just chill, I mean no harm” Suna puts up his hands up to surrender in a mocking tone. Osamu and Ginjima just laughs at it but Osamu makes a mental note that something is definitely up when he sees Atsumu being a little grumpy when Suna’s choice-of-topic spinning wheel lands on the subject of you. Just the sweet old twin telepathy shit, Atsumu definitely sees something in you somehow, even the grey haired twin acknowledges how cute you look whenever the stray balls are coming at your face since you pouted whenever the defence against the ball doesn’t work out. Osamu knows so well he wouldn’t have a deeper feelings for you anyways.

After the rest of the team had parted ways and the twins are headed to the direction of their home, Osamu decided to break the silence because his usually chaotic loudmouth of a brother seems really quiet and focused this time, which he founded weird. “Now that Suna ain’t here jos tell me yer thoughts about [Last Name], loser. I know ya so damn well that yer hidin’ somethin’” Osamu nudges Atsumu’s sides while asking him that question in a teasing tone and copying Atsumu’s signature shit-eating grin to further stroke his short-tempered ass. “Whatdya want me ta say! There’s nothin’!” Atsumu takes off while zipping up his jacket and storms off further in front. Osamu, being the eager individual he is chased after Atsumu and kept on teasing the answers out of him. “Cmon now at this point I know yer bothered by something just tell me and we can sort this problem out” Osamu says as he yanks Atsumu’s hands resulting both of them to stop walking. “I just— I got creeped out, kay? M’ scared if she turns out to be someone so obsessive....like a yandere or something...so I don’t like it when the guys said I like her when I don’t, at all...hate her with guts” Atsumu says, with a pout on his face and tiny fragments of anger hinted in his tone. Osamu just nodded and starts walking again, thinking for something else to help his pathetic loser of a twin brother. “How about you just tell her that? Tell her that you are not comfortable about it?” Osamu says and look at Atsumu’s face which turns into the look of fear in a second. “NO!” Osamu jolts in shock. “O-kay??” “I mean– I— can’t just tell her that...what if it gets complicated?” Osamu tilts his head and recalls all the time he spent with his brother in the cafeteria in which he rejects an average amount of 3 girls per lunch period with a straight face and a blunt answer, ‘no’ at least the reaction is a bit subtle than the one he screamed at Osamu’s ear so loudly earlier. “Oi, just do it the same way you reject those whimsical corny girls every other day, except maybe this time ya need more words than a 'no' for her” Osamu air-quotes and Atsumu just glared and cut him off his words.” Ya don’t understand...this girl...she has a history with drugs, remember? A delinquent! What if someday she pull a Freddie Krueger on me once I said no to her....I want to live, Osamu. Yer not in the position to decide stuff for me!” “Yeah...okay, chill out will ya I was just trying to help. Can’t afford ya flunking your tosses anymore so just saying.” Osamu chuckled lightly, and heaved a sigh while patting his brother on the shoulders and they both walked their way to the comfort of the Miya household. Deep down in his heart he doesn’t want your presence in the gym to disappear out of thin air.

-

_Not fazed at all _. You remembered when a message popped in your notifications from your class rep that was sent to the class group chat. It was about the test that occurs at the first quarter of the year, which is not as big as the midterm and finals but is still big, considering you’re from the college prep class. The slightly blurred memory hit you in the face as soon as you had already plopped on the bed to sleep before tomorrow’s class. _Ah shoot _. “Test is tomorrow” you said as your heart skipped a beat. The sudden remembrance does not instigate any shock in you at all, especially when you decided that it was best that you just give up on life. It is not like you were planning to end your life right there and then but it was due to the fact that the life in high school has nothing to offer you any more. Your mom wasn’t pushing you for your studies, so there was never a pressure. Once you felt the pressure of studying and becoming a bit better than who you were in academics was just because of your competitiveness with Ran, your cousin. He was everyone’s favourite, good-looking, athletic, and to further add up to the equation he is a top-scorer in the school, resulting into the annoying alignment of plaques of achievement. Not that he annoys you with it but the desire to be looked up to just the way he got it, birth a fighting spirit in you to be better than him. (Not that you actually received it, but the effects are worth it since you jumped two classes higher for your third-year in middle school. “Well you don’t exactly fail since you’re now in the smart kids circle now right?” you snorted at Ran to which he giggles. You kicked him in the butt for it but still, he is right and you achieved something. As you took a trip down to the memory lane you hoped that he will be there for you to give the push because something in you desperately needs help to live on and not become a loser that would make the beautiful smile of your mom turned into something sour with a hint of tears of disappointment in it. You do want to change, the drive was simply not there.____

_____ _

After the test has ended the schedule going on the entire institution went back to normal. Students are getting busier with their coccuriculum to pick up where they left off as the school froze club activities for three weeks to make sure students aren’t distracted with the back-to-back tuitions to help them get better. The distractions that has been bothering you would be Miya Atsumu, of course. He never did actually bother you, it is just you bothering yourself to get engrossed in the thoughts of him, a way to cope with your already destructed life. He made you feel less like a failure, makes you escape from the reality that you have nothing more in your life to put effort in anymore but as you strolled to the gym to watch him play you think that maybe this is the best that you can do, fill in the gaps, smile for a bit. What didn’t cross your mind was this very event that you had never predicted in your 17 years of life. You got called to the faculty office, to meet with your homeroom teacher, Ms Izaki. You sat down on the bench as she was busy fiddling and looking for your test papers. _Ah so that is why I’m the only one who hasn’t got it yet_. She arranged all your papers in front of you on the table and you look at every papers and all of it had the same big splash of the colour red on it, seems like a murder had happened on the papers, battles against equation, war crimes and nationalism is brought back to life onto the sleek pieces of paper lying in front of you. “[Last Name] how are you always distracted, especially when I am right here, trying to talk to you” pouting you tried to look up to see her piercing gaze even with glasses on intimidate you making your next few words are let out in hesitation and fear. You can never get used to people talking to you in that manner since you grew up listening to your parents arguing with each other till no end. “I’m sorry...I was just wondering why I g-got called...here?” you flinched when she clicked her tongue at you. “Ms [Last Name] since you still had no idea what I am on to you about, let’s start with how you have failed to get above passing mark for every paper you answered, will you? History, 24!” hand slammed at the History paper, you flinched again. “English, 30!” slams. “Japanese Language????? 40!” slams. “And coming from you a college prep student, MY student getting a whooping 10 out of 100 for the Mathematics paper.” She sighs at you and opened up the paper to show you the answer you messily drabbled without conscience. “Look at this very carefully young miss. You had no effort to find the solutions to this problem. I was sure I covered quadratic functions right before the day of the test? Are you having problems?” Ms Izaki asked and it finally snapped you out of your trance and looked up to her. Her expression changed from anger to empathy. Was she sympathizing you? “How do I say this...” she says as she sat herself next to you on the chair and takes your hands in hers. “Are you having troubles? Domestic issues? Depression....or was it because of the rumours against you that have been spreading around this school?” You are washed away with shame as soon as she speaks about that...you knew the thing that troubles you most is about that but you simply has no energy left to take care of it, mainly because you have no idea how to. “Sensei....I... don’t know...I am at this point of life that I push everything away from me, and I don’t think I will ever try solving the problem. I get your intentions but it is best for you to leave this alone, okay. Thank you for your concern. I have to take my leave now.” You got up heading to the door but she called you once again. “[Last Name] sit down there are more things to talk about. I’m sorry to say this to you, but the board decided to transfer you to regular class. We can’t afford a college prep student to have bad marks like this. But you have to know if you need help from me you can always come here, okay?” Ms Izaki cupped your face in her hands and hugged you a little too tightly. “I’m sorry for everything Ms...I’ll try my best to improve. Thank you for taking care of me this whole time.” And as you walk away from the office you flashed a genuine smile in return to the genuine effort she put out to help you out of your darkest times. Little did you know that the one guy that falls under the list of your coping mechanisms are one of the people who listened to whatever you were going through when he should be listening to his coach about balancing his academic and athletic achievements.

_____ _

-  


_____ _

The slightly longer ring of a bell that was situated in the hallways had indicated that it was break time. You were told for a transfer to class 2-1 because of your grades that aren’t compatible with the rest of your classmates. What’s even sadder is how no one bid a farewell to you though they are all aware of your transfer. “Hye, my name is [Last Name][Name] and I will be your new classmate from no on. Please take care of me!” you said as you bowed, trying your best to smile at the expressions of your new classmates. The girls and boys at the back are starting to talk something and you have an idea of that information, the class rep greeted you and welcomes you into the class leaving you mortified at the sudden kind gestures people gave you. That’s a first for everything. As you walked down the spaces between the tables to get to your new place which was not occupied by the end of the class next to the window, you realised that Miya Osamu is seated in front of you. Coincidence? No, not really. But he was amused and you heard him say something about how this will be a good stuff to tease Atsumu with. Suna who happened to be his tablemate turned to you who was seated alone and greeted you with a cynical smile. “Welcome aboard, [Name]. This class is a bit annoying but you’ll learn to love them” Suna flashed a grin and you felt the glares of girls from the other side of the class piercing through you. “I hope so, thank you Suna-san” you replied slightly tilting your head as a gratitude for the rather ‘warm’ welcome. The teacher spoke something about leaving the welcome for later and everyone proceeded to continue with the lesson, to which you still has no interest in. You’ll read about Taisho period later.

_____ _

-  


_____ _

As soon as the class has ended, the two volleyball jocks you have grown familiar to for the past two years after attending their practice every evening walked out when you were busy putting back your books inside your bag. You heard Suna mumbling something about wanting to see you later and you picked up the hint that he probably meant practice and you just shyly hid the blush on your cheeks with the falling strands of your hair. To add salt to the wound, the greatest, most self-centred bitch you have ever known has to flawlessly dawdle into the classroom with a sinister laugh that reeks of poison and disaster—”I heard someone got kicked out of her class! Was that you, [Name]-chan?” she sits herself on your table and asked while she twirls her hair. “We’re not friends, Watanabe and yes that would be me I see no reason for you to butt in my business all the time” you stood up and she pushed you to sit back to which you scowled at. You want to throw a punch so bad but you knew better that it is going to make her more powerful so you just sit back and wait for another one of her comebacks. “Don’t be ridiculous we are friends right! You were so kind to offer me some pills back then were you? Only friends do that with each other!” she giggles and glares at you. “Yeah and it baffles me how freely you tossed around the terms in drugs that most people should not have any idea of! Like, some dots needs to be connected, right? Like how it is so fantastic that your name is mentioned by Rindou in the interrogation room” she dropped a smile at that and jumped off her seat. “Cut the crap I have nothing to do with it” you almost giggled at that but only a curious oh? was let out sarcastically. “Well from someone who has the experience in false allegations I gotta say your denial seems to quick to come out! I didn’t even say you did anything illegal geez just calm down will ya? Have to go now. Bye!” you took your bag and walk out of the classroom not noticing the duo who sat in front of you in the class heard about the commotion that occurred in their classroom. It rings a bell in Suna’s sometimes-empty brain.

_____ _

-  


_____ _

“The college team will arrive in ten minutes, make sure you guys change by then.” The Captain of the Inarizaki’s Men Volleyball Team announced as he walks towards the area of which Coach Kurosu sat on. The second-years of the club used this opportunity to continue their daily session of gossip that was mainly lead by Suna Rintarou with his right-hand man Ginjima Hitoshi. The twins are usually the ones who became the subject of the gossip as mainly their name is plucked in the topic even when it has no relation to any of them whatsoever. The twins knew how gossipy Suna really is though his demeanour screams off intimidating energy, being the infamous bendable-torso middle blocker does instil some fear in the other opponents. However today’s topic has to involve the setter, Miya Atsumu as this topic is mainly about you, or rather Osamu and Suna’s new classmate. “Atsumu, do you know that [Last Name] just transferred to our class??” Suna asks with a smug smile on his face. “Woa this is the first time I heard about college prep student transferring to regular classes, what’s going on?” Ginjima might have picked up Suna’s habit of talking about others as they have been friends for years now, but there is no way he is going to talk over Suna when it comes to this, he is the leader after all. “Yep that’s right she was kicked out! Since this happened just few hours ago I still have no idea the reason though, once I found out I’ll deliver.” Suna tapped at Atsumu’s shoulders earning a scoff from him and the others just brushed it off and continue warming up before the volleyball college boys arrives to their gym. Atsumu hates it when Suna would pick on him about you. He is not sure if he is ticked off by the way the boys always tease him about your obsession with him (at least that is how Suna said it), and your frequent availability in the front row seat to their practice sometimes disturbed him. Which was weird considering he has never put his concentration elsewhere especially when he is in a game, practice match with other clubs or official matches. He was lucky that you didn’t show up during prefectural Inter High games or else he would have destroyed his performance, and like the big head he is he will probably think that if he is disrupted, the whole team will totally get kicked out as the national contenders for the title of the highs school volleyball champions. Atsumu also thinks that you, not attending the nationals are also the factor of the team winning the Nationals during Inter High because they talk less about you, especially when they knew you never did come and watch them during the matches in Hyogo. Osamu saw how sometimes he looks over to the stands when they’re taking water breaks looking for a particular individual. Osamu, being the more tolerable twin than him acknowledged the change in Atsumu, after he helped you find your clothes when someone took it away from you leaving in your body clad in a white towel. He didn’t go through all the pesters towards the infamous Watanabe to get it back for you to tell him off like that, and for the first time in life Osamu had no idea what made Atsumu goes by all means to help you that day. Atsumu himself got confused as to why you said something about how you don’t matter in his life and he shouldn’t be helping you when Osamu asked what the fuss was about after you left him sitting in the bench alone. It actually took two times for you to make it clear that you just rather let it be a one-sided thing to the point that he actually thought that you rejected him. Osamu saw how differently he reacts that night after he saved you because Osamu knows Atsumu is the type to not give two fucks about other people especially his fans. Is he worried about you? Maybe. But why did you make him feel uncomfortable at times? Atsumu still has no answer for that.

_____ _

“I heard sumn in tha office.....she had bad grades and Ms Izaki transferred her cuz she doesn’t belong there” Atsumu said while rolling his eyes and giggled awkwardly. Osamu saw how obvious he was, there’s definitely something bothering him. “How do ya even know that? I thought ya dun care bout her” Osamu smirks and skips over to the bench to retrieve his water bottle and took few sips out of it. “Like I said I overheard it, stupid Samu” Atsumu huffs and bumps his shoulder against Osamu as he walks over also to take a drink from his bottle. “Being defensive again, aren’tcha Sumu?” Suna and Ginjima looks at each other and then at Osamu. “What is it....is Atsumu slowly fallin for [Name] or sumn....” Suna smirks and folds his arms on his chest while Ginjima just hollers silently and nudges at Atsumu’s side. “Losers stop messin wimme, I’m not tossing to ya today Sunarin” Atsumu walks away from the circle and calls for Aran and Kita who were talking about something with the coach as they are co-captains in the volleyball team. It seems like the college team has arrived but Atsumu still looks out to the doors of the gym, visualising an image of you walking in but he always dismiss that thinking. He hates you right?

_____ _

-  


_____ _

As any other day, you are used to the habit of going to the bathroom to sit and think about nothing just for a moment of peace after the shitshow you have been through daily, simply for the sake of calming down and recollecting yourself before going off to seeing Atsumu on practice, since you no longer swim anymore. Sometimes the ‘peaceful moment’ is interrupted by loud clique of girls who would come in to fix themselves and talk with friends, and sometimes Watanabe is among one of these girls but you would never find a trouble to come out of the toilet when she is right in front of her mirror dolling herself up cause you knew she will never let you live it down, so you would wait for longer time until she comes out of there. Especially today, and you have no idea if she notices your presence in the toilet but this time she took too long in the bathroom and it is going to make you come in late to the practice match that Suna told you about (he said since you’re a regular audience to their matches he might as well just tell you about it to which Osamu has no problems with but he knows Atsumu is going to be in a state where he can’t admit that he looks forward to it nor did he dislike it). But sometimes, peeping in to the girls gossip is quite fun, especially when you have no one to share this with. “Momo! Are ya comin or nah?” one of the girlfriends asked her to which he replied “One second, Sumu said this gloss looks pretty on me so I’m going to apply it properly” she was done with it and puckers her lips to make it even out as her lips look plumper (at least that is what you heard, her sound effects are always too dramatic anyway). “Hey don’t tell me ya are threatened with that bitch you hate so much...Atsumu-san seems to like her, remember the clothes incident?” you heard the girls giggled and you knew immediately that they were implying you. You kept in your sharp hearing to further listen through to what they said about you, not that these blabbermouth going to rattle you anyways. “Uhhh she is so infuriating, I thought I got rid of her quite well last time” this time she was brushing her hair as the crisps could be heard and a small huff of spray assumed to be a hairspray was heard from the other side of the door. What did she mean by getting rid of you. “You see, I sacrificed my relationship with Rindou for her to be gone from this world, he has always gave me good kisses and expensive presents. A loss, you know what I mean?” the girlfriends all just gasped at her and wondered what she was onto about. “Eh, I never heard this before? I thought there are no secrets!” you clenches on the hem of your skirts. Seems like the pretty girls of Ina High isn’t too rainbows and butterflies. “I snitched on Rindou about his drug dent, told both the police and [Name]-chan about it and all three of them got caught, stupid girl. She shouldn’t have been there. Sad, sad life she’s living.” Cynical laugh of hers was let out and it only raised your blood pressure higher than normal BP rate, you are enraged and fuming. She set you up! You were about to reach for the door but pulled back when they all went out of the toilet after the eerie silence when Momo confessed.  


_____ _

Minutes after you went out of there too, tried your best to contain the bubbling rage inside of you, and the guilt and blame you did to yourself comes up trying to get out of your already sore throat. Ran was caught because of me? A revenge against me? You blamed yourself enough and wondered what would happen if you stood up against Momo instead of ignoring her back in the days when she will always be pressed over your breathing form in her radius. As your thoughts went way back you didn’t realise you arrived to the volleyball gym. This place again. You walk up to the stands and sat down even when you saw the Momo clique sitting at he same row as you peep down to the scoreboard to see Inarizaki was losing against the college team. They’re not in good shape today. You saw the concentrated stressed look on their faces and it was the most apparent on Atsumu’s. He seems distracted and antsy in the game and you were worried about him. Is he okay? What’s bothering him?

_____ _

_Was it because of me? Am I bothering him? How many times do people has to get in trouble because of me? If you didn’t go to that dent would he still be here with you? If you were there for him when Uncle died would he not join Rindou? I messed up again. ___

_______ _ _ _

You just sat there looking at whatever it was in front of you at the moment, mind goes numb, fists clenching and shaking and you can feel the cold blood seeping through your veins, sweats running down from your temple. Millions of emotions hit you as you overthink about Ran. You missed him. Your family, he was there for you all the time but...you weren’t there for him when he was grieving over the passing of his father, your uncle. The practice match becomes just another white noise in your current condition, you were distracted by the intrusive thoughts of self-blame and guilt and anger all directed to yourself to the point that you will lash out at anyone who dares to disturb you and it so happens that Watanabe is the one who did it.  


_______ _ _ _

“Hey, how’s Ran doing huh?” Watanabe whispers in a slightly loud tone so that it reaches your ears and as the information is processed in your brain that she intends to short-fuse you and it worked. You heaved a breath and heart falls heavy that someone, who has always been a huge pain in your ass dared to speak the name of your friend, brother, cousin so carelessly as if he doesn’t mean a thing to anyone.

_______ _ _ _

So you stood up and screamed from where you stood at. “If you say his name again I will kill you and your entire family! DO YA HEAR ME” you let out the loudest volume of voice from the bottom of your throat and realised how it has been a long time since you screamed like this, the bottled up anger and frustration finally got out like a vomit and it stings your throat and makes your nose feel really cold like it was smeared with salted ice, head boiling up ready to let out another word as a loud ‘pang’ was heard.

_______ _ _ _

It was Atsumu’s turn to serve, and knowing him, he DESPISES distraction and white noises when he serves. You so inconveniently shout when the ball was up in the air, preparing itself to be in contact with Atsumu’s hardened palm. The ball did not get in, and the anger in his face was evident. So angered and pissed that he misses his serve and it was on you. As they were readying themselves to receive the serve from the opposing team Watanabe said something to you as you were running down from the stands heading towards the court. Shit shit shit. You once heard that he called girls who squeal during his serve as pigs and imbeciles who will never find light in life and you think you might have just chose the path to hell with an extremely high difficulty level because as you walk closer to where the bench is set at you feel the rage that radiates from him and you so badly want to reach closer to further indulge in the pain to blame yourself because indeed you’re guilty for it but Kita stopped you from getting closer by putting his palms on your shoulder, completely halting your movement from the cold aura that was emitted out of his body when he speaks. “Stop, just wait until it ends” Kita’s face lack of emotions but you knew that listening to whatever he said will help you as of that moment since you are clearly freaked out and isn’t at the state where you can come up with a tolerable actions that could help resolve your problem with the angry setter right now.

_______ _ _ _

The match ended with the college team winning by 2 out of 3 sets. Atsumu knows this is just a practice match, and they didn’t particularly have a really huge point difference and besides, he knew if he pushed himself a little the team will take its victory against the college team. But he knows he did not do well, not because of the sudden shock wave of your voice that rang throughout the whole gym that shattered him, it was not that at all. He was disturbed by your looming presence around him all the time, like this very creepy and distressed aura that radiates through your whole body that makes him shiver and break. For the first time in Atsumu’s life he got distracted, and it wasn’t even because of the buzzing noises or the echoes of his fan girls, it is because of the thought of you. After the game finished, he saw you coming out of the gym and waited just right next to the shoes rack that was placed by the gym doors. As he looks out to the door he involved himself in the conversation of his fellow teammates about the promising college athletes they competed with. “Aran-kun why do I think they have like 3 of you there...their spikes are so hard ta receive!” Akagi heaved and hoo-ed as he described his challengers wholeheartedly with irises shimmering like the stars. The other boys always had fell for his charms even when he is a senior member of the club. Aran and the others chuckled while Ginjima just adds up the words of his senior. “Well ya practiced receiving his spikes and serves multiple times, Akagi-kun, pretty sure it’s easy...I mean...I received a good number of spikes too” Akagi frowned and kicked him in the butt. “Idiot, I picked up the ball you bounded, thank me later and give the credits to me will ya?” Suna snorted and booed at the spiky grey-haired wing spiker earning chuckles from the Miya twins. Osamu knew that’s not the sincere laugh he always heard before this, Atsumu is hiding something again. Osamu looks at Suna who was already looking at him and they give eye signals to each other to the point that Aran notices the tension so he nudged Kita’s shoulders to speak something about Atsumu as they knew how you and Atsumu has a complicated ways of...communicating. As the captain, Kita Shinsuke is reliable all the time. He especially knows every antics and change of behaviour concerning his teammates as they can’t fully control what they think off and on the court that could disrupt their performances. Kita knows his capabilities is no way near the twins, Aran and Suna which are always the national’s favourite topic to commentate on whenever they’re on the court, but he knows all too well that sometimes whenever the team was emotionally flunked he is the one to still be able to stand tall and keep his head up to protect them and encourage them to move forward. Whenever problem arises and how sometimes Coach Kurosu has no power to meddle in as his age group restricts himself from giving advices in normal teenage behaviours, he will be the one to slip in and help. But this time, no one, not even the Kita Shinsuke understood Atsumu for the time being. He was too quiet even Suna put aside his jokes to ask what’s wrong with him. Kita knows it has something to do about you, but he won’t dig down even deeper, instead he poked at Atsumu’s towering figure next to him. “Seems like she need ta say somethin’ to ya, go ahead we can take care of the rest” though he doesn’t know what the problem was about the best he could offer help with is just an open ear and the space he needed. Kita isn’t someone who is into high school love stories that has been far too normalised in the school but he does have some ideas that you and him sharing a conversation together is...rather cute in his eyes. It is because the facial expression in him changed, his staggering walk to the door, fingers collected in his fists, he hoped that all ends well.

_______ _ _ _

Atsumu saw you leaning your upper body part the wall of the gymnasium, body collected in the hugs of you. You might have heard the squeak of his shoes so you stood straight and smoothens out the crisps of your uniforms and eventually lunges forward to bow down to him in right angle and got up back again. Now that he sees your face he has gotten angrier with a reason. He hates it when you do that face. You’re going to say sorry again. “Listen, Atsumu I am so sorry I was distracted and I didn’t r-realise y-you were about to s-serve I just I am so sorry please I w-will do any-anything to make it up to you". Atsumu clenches his fist as he saw how your expression turned really sour and remorseful about the whole situation, countless of apologises mumbled and promises to make sure it is going to make him feel better about it. Atsumu scowled and retorted. “Why are you always apologising, [Name]” Atsumu slipped a tongue and called you by your first name without a single honorifics. Atsumu wasn’t even close to you in any way, he just simply knew you, tad bit too much. Atsumu sighs and just like the dam when it over carried its weight, it breaks and the word flows out like the water, hitting the trees really hard because of the immense water pressure that is only explainable through the nature of physics, but for this case the trees were you, words are the water and the immense pressure is his anger towards you. “Why do I always have to deal with ya at the end of the day? I am pissed! I walk in this darned place and people associate me with ya, yer annoying!” Atsumu said as he drew closer to you further wedging you between the wall and his slender body and Atsumu thinks his word vomit is going to make him cry but he can’t stop it, and you can’t even say any word except tremble and letting out small gasps and eyes almost getting out of the eye socket due to the small gap between the both of you. “Sayin’ sorry is all ya have? Is it? S’not like it is going to make me feel better! I missed a serve cause of ya! I got distracted because of ya, ya make it hard to breathe do ya know that!” Atsumu’s head gone red, eyes shooting right into yours and he think that it is his first time to see you up close like this but disappointed that there are nothing left in your eyes except loneliness. He knew this all to well and he wants to hug you but he is still not in touch with the reality that was right there standing in front of him, bathed in guilt and fear. Before he knew it he realised he had let out the last words capable of inflicting an apocalypse in your life.

_______ _ _ _

“Ya are the most worthless and most pathetic human-being I have ever known in my whole life, mark my words. Never appear in my line of sight anymore” Atsumu turns his back towards you and walks back into the gym.

_______ _ _ _

_Worthless..._ as the word has a significant ring and impact to your whole being...you are so close to breaking apart right there, by the doors of the gym where there would be so many people who could listen to you, how wrecked you are, how this world is so cruel to you and how you were never considerate of your own feelings, how you never stood your ground against anyone who dared make you feel bad about yourself. How Ran wasn’t here partially because of you. How your parents separated because of you. So it is true what Atsumu said about you. He can’t breathe, and that’s the more reason that your conflicted life you set yourself on affected others as much as it affected you. And so you walked away from the gym going back to the comfort of your own bedroom, hoping that not seeing your mother for the day helps relishing the new life of isolation to make sure no one else has to suffer the burdens of having you around, not even Atsumu.

_______ _ _ _


	3. Chapter 3

The club members are especially worried and thrilled with the particular event. Half of them are worried about you while the others are worried about Atsumu. If only you knew some of these people are actually nice to you, maybe you wouldn’t curse this place.

“I hope it’ll be fine...Shinsuke don’t ya think ya should step in?” Aran said in slow tone as he holds his fist in his other hand. It is not just Aran that is worried about the conversation Atsumu shared with you, with the looks of you trembling and eyes shooting at other places other than Atsumu’s face he knew they have to do something about it. “Yeah Kita-san, this ain’t what I want to happen. Thought we’re just joking!” Suna said earning a fist flying to his abdomen by Omimi. Ginjima stifles a laughter as there are tensions warping the whole face of the third-years next to him so he walks to Suna and whispers in his ears. “When are we betting on this, Suna!” Ginjima pulls away. Suna felt like a bulb is switched on in his brain. “On it. 100 yen if they ended up dating each other” Suna smirks confidently. “Ok! 100 yen if he got told away by At—” “OI don’t bet on my brother liddat!” Osamu roars at the two of his friends. “This ain’t funny yall dunno the stuff both of them went through since yall love talking shit about them all the time. I’m worried ‘bout him and you guys are busy cackling and betting your way through this” Osamu was really angry, yet he can’t even move a muscle and give his brother the support he needed, can’t even help you since you and him barely knew each other. Suna and Ginjima had their lips sealed tight. It is true what he said after all, Suna sometimes want to pull his words back into his throat and shove it down his intestines and let it out with his faeces every time he said something that offends people. However he had not a single idea that Atsumu is disturbed with what he said, especially when it is about you. Why would he be bothered about [Last Name]?. Though he got called out for the bet, he still thinks that you and Atsumu might just date each other one day in the future.

“That’s enough fighting, guys. I will ask about him later, now that you guys knew how sensitive this is to him, might as well drop the jokes yall had in store for him.” By the time Kita finished calming down the loud boys, Atsumu has re-entered the gym while you evaporated before their sight. Atsumu walked past all of them and took his stuff with him, he knew the judging look of Kita but he left it for another day, stormed off to the locker rooms to change himself and head back home.Though sometimes, he can just plan stuff and things will never go his way. Kita walked inside the locker room and told him “We need to talk about today, Atsumu. It is about time” Atsumu groans and he wants to do nothing except running away or turning himself into a bomb, explode into nothingness. “Cmon now Kita-san...I don’t—I don’t want ta talk ‘bout today just yet” Atsumu drops his bag and sat himself om the bench that was situated in the middle of the locker room, head in hands he continues whining to the captain whose age is one year older than his.

Kita sat down next to him, legs stretched out. “Ya know, Atsumu. At first I was annoyed that I have to see her almost every day at the gym. I used to be okay seeing her in hallways but since I have to see her everyday at the gym too, hmm not very pleasing.” Kita lets out an airy laughter and Atsumu stopped his habit of aggressively brushing his hair whenever he is frustrated. “But I knew of the rumours about her, I knew how people bullied her for it. Yet I never actually stood up for her, not even a slightest care. It’s not just me, everyone. They never stood up for her” Atsumu felt the guilt and agony sitting in the back of his throat ready to jump out once he opens his mouth. “Why are ya–telling me this Kita-san?” Atsumu forgot to breath as Kita mentions about how no one stood up for you, he looks over to the captain who was fiddling with his calloused fingers. “Just listen, kay? I just think that she somehow ended up occupying your mind at the end of the day. I kind of get it.” What. That’s not true. “I don’t think you’ll ever get disturbed with rejecting someone until...she came along.” “Kita-san you’re being weird...” Atsumu, being the arrogant jerk he is brushes it off with a laugh. “What I said was true, Atsumu. She is strong and independent, no matter how many times you and the rest of this god forsaken school push her away she will always walk down that hallway with her chin held up high. Even when she is harassed every day, she was still there supporting you and the rest of the team, she—” “Kita-san yer not making any sense, the problem here is that I got disturbed by her, okay? I am not comfortable, ya and the others should stop pestering me for— “but you do care for her don’t you. Like I said, why are you bothered with saying the mean words to her.” Kita sighs. He knew Atsumu has never filtered his mouth whenever it comes to describing people, no matter how mean it is he will say it, his concrete reasoning for his words would be because he think he should be honest with people for them to change, said “it is easier that way, s’not like he’s cool anyways” it gives off the same vibes and chills whenever he was discreet about what he felt about certain people. However none of the people he was truthful to had ever make him feel the regret creeping up from the grounds disturbing him to no end to the point that he won’t even look at any of his teammate’s face and that is how Kita delivers the final blow.

“I know deep down there you do care about her, and I know by the looks on your face that you regret the words you said to her. If you still disagree with what I said then go for it. Make sure she doesnn’t appear in front of you anymore” Kita said, pulling up the straps of his sling bag putting it over his head. “but let’s see how long the guilt will eat you alive. I’m just worried about you.” Kita pressed his palms on Atsumu’s shoulder as a reassurance, that he will help Atsumu even though he fucks up really bad one day. He hoped Atsumu listens if not dear god he might have to give up his 100 yen to Ginjima too. “Ah! Also, telling a person that they’re worthless is not cool. Good evening!” Kita shuts the door after he turned his bent body back and walked away from the locker room.

Atsumu felt like someone pulled up his hair, like a demon hiding itself in him saying that what he did was the right thing, he needs to take care of himself too. His feelings are the only thing that matters because no one else would be there for him except himself.

_No, that is not true, no matter how much of an asshole you are, [Name] still looks up to you. ___

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__His intrusive thoughts stopped and has been wiped away by the sound of the door clicking announcing the ever so dramatic boys of the Inarizaki High School Volleyball Club, sometimes he just call them as volleyball losers. They were all teasing each other till no end but silence wraps them like the very jacket they had around their body, making the situation in their club goes tense with hues of a dark aura whooping in. Well, not really dark, Suna loves drama tad bit too much. But he does want Atsumu to knew it wasn’t his intention to make him feel uncomfortable, they’re best friends after all._ _

__

__Aran spoke up after he has grown frustrated that Suna can’t say a thing. “Atsumu, why would you say that to her, that’s mean.” Atsumu sprung up from his seat, making the senior flinch. “I am not having this conversation again. Ya lot can beat my ass or tell me ‘m a dick fa all I care” Atsumu leaves to the door. “Samu hurry up, not ya too. I dun even have my brother on my side” Osamu looks up and sigh. He proceeded to take his bag and leave with his twin brother. “’M not on yer side, just want to get home and eat”. The entire walk home between the two idiotic brothers are filled with silence, Atsumu wants Osamu to say something but Osamu does not feel like it. The talking comes later._ _

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__The evening you got home your mother is already resting up in her room, dinner isn’t ready. You really had no energy left to interact with people after the earlier events, it made you feel like puke whenever you have to talk again. So you get out of the apartment again, bought a dinner for two, came back and left it for your mother to eat. You texted her after that, saying that you bought dinner and ate it already and requested a permission to be inside your room the entire weekend to which she said okay. Even after years of the divorce your family hasn’t been okay, especially your mother. And nothing could be mended anymore now since it has been done anyways so both of you decided to move past it and try to live on with the remnants this life has to offer to you and your mom._ _

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__As you fiddled with your fingers on the bed, you give a moment to think about what Atsumu said to you. Still fresh in your memories. Ya are the most worthless and most pathetic human being I have ever known in my life. You whisper the word as you look up the ceiling. Worthless. That’s half-true. You have nothing in life that you can do anymore, neither swimming nor studying. NOTHING. You posed no threat to the entire high school, not one of the students look up to you as much as they looked up to Miya Atsumu. You’re basically the bare minimum, sometimes you think if the whole school is on fire they would probably think there are no casualties if you’re left behind. Pathetic. Oh absolutely, have you ever stopped people from being mean to you? Yeah, never. Though there are so many kids who never harassed or talk bad about you (you’ll just dream about the fact that there are people who’s not mean unlike the underlings of Watanabe which is apparently the majority of the students and few other teachers) they have never helped stood against these malicious rumours and accusations people shoved into your life. So basically yes, you are pathetic for not helping yourself when no one else had you. Worthless and pathetic. You gave up too early, having nothing to stand your guard with and also having nothing that you like about yourself. This is how far your life has been, so terrible, you so badly wanted to escape but you knew that your mother has nothing else to depend on. You may not realise this but your mother only had you left in this world and she knows so well that you’re one of the kindlers to the flames of her happiness. And she hoped that you can find it in her too._ _

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__You never realised that you fell asleep after thinking for so long, the anxiousness from thinking too hard about your life decisions left your throat dried up so you brought yourself to the kitchen to fetch some drops of water and let it run through your system. Your mother is there in the living room, reading through mails and necessity bills statements. You realised that quality times with your family is often cancelled because of her business with work. As you downed the final gulp of water left in the tall glass of yours, you saw your mother carefully massaging her forehead, to ease the growing numbness in her head and hopefully ridding stress out of it. So you strolled forwards and sat yourself next to her._ _

____

“Hey sweetie, how’s school going?” you were sure a tear almost run out of your eye so you blinked it away, hoping the tear gland would suck the tears back inside and throw your head in her lap. “It was...fine, I guess. Same old same old.” Your mother dropped the bills on the table and proceeded to card your hair strands and it helps calm you down a little. “Well for me, it has been a relatively good day, my boss is nice and the sales are doing good.” She smiled and continued playing your hair. Ah, it is so good to be home. “I’m happy for you, Mom. It’s cool to see you enjoying your work.” “me too sweetheart, me too” you continue laying your head in the lap as you watch whatever was shown on TV with your mother. You knew that this isn’t the life she wants to have, but she enjoys it nonetheless, so you asked her. “Mom, do you have a dream?” she paused. “What do you mean by a ‘a dream’?” You got up from the lap and turned your body towards your mother. “Like, a dream! What do you want to do when you were a kid, did you achieve it, or you gave up, or you had a new one? Anything” your mother laughs a little and rubbed her chin indicates how deep she was thinking about it. “Well, I used to have a dream to live in a big mansion...as I grew up I realised I want to live a wealthy life by marrying into a rich guy from a rich family with a rich bloodline” you became interested. “Did you get it? With Dad?” your mother smiles and tucks your stray hair behind her ear. “Sweetheart, you know that life isn’t all rainbows and sparkles. I don’t get it with your dad, which is why we separated. We weren’t in a stable condition and I can’t live like that, when we had you. He found someone else who’s more understanding than I am” you frowned as your mother brought that up. “Mom, I understood it okay. I’m going to be an adult soon enough so this shouldn’t be something that bothers me. I’m sure the past had brought us to a better position now, I mean. Look at you, Mom! You’re a single mom and I’m sure a prince charming around your age is going to come knocking at your door!” you had a good laugh with your Mom after awhile, and it calmed down the bundles of nerves gained from the first half of the second-year in the school. Life’s good. So far. 

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Atsumu and Osamu didn’t talk after that evening, nothing at all. It is even harder that they both don’t share a room together so there are less events of them in the same area. Whenever Atsumu plopped down on the couch Osamu would excuse himself out of family time saying that he needs to get his homework done or he needed to watch cooking videos on Tiktok in peace. During dinner, Osamu would only speak whenever he was spoken to, and when Atsumu tried to speak to him he would only reply with a subtle ‘hm’ and ‘okay’ and there’s nothing more than that.

____

Atsumu is sure his switch is flicked and it has already resulted into a new disaster when Osamu finally picked on his last nerve by completely ignoring his call for house work. It was late at night and the mother of the Miya family always assigned the twins to do the laundry at night and Atsumu has called for Osamu so many times and not a single reply was heard. So he aggressively climbed up the stairs towards Osamu’s bedroom which was right next to his on the second floor of the household. “Samu, open up it’s yer turn tonight” Atsumu knocked on the door and put his ear on the door with the effort to hear some noises that Osamu might make due to his intense attention towards the cooking show he always watch late at night. “Oi dickhead open up!” Osamu flung the door open before Atsumu tried to kick it with the attempt to make a louder noise than just a simple knock, resulting him to slip into the bedroom of his twin brother. “Ugh I heard ya the first time stop being so loud Sumu!” Osamu walks out and headed himself to the laundry room to finish the duty assigned to him. Atsumu leans his body to the door of the laundry room while Osamu take out the clothes out of the washing machine. Atsumu scowls and glares at the undisturbed twin. “What’d ya want from me” Osamu glares and Atsumu hissed at him. “Isn’t it obvious? Why are ya ignoring me the whole evening! Aren’t ya going to throw shit at me?” Osamu clicked his tongue while throwing the bed sheet on the clothe line and spreads it out with his hands. “Do ya want me to throw shit at ya?” Atsumu’s eyes widened. Samu didn’t care about what happened? “Wait hold on, yer not mad?” Osamu kept a straight face. “I am not in the position to, but it sets me off a little” Osamu shrugs his shoulder.

____

“What’s really disturbing is that ya expect people to come at ya for saying something so hurtful. Ya should know it yerself that it is indeed mean” Osamu finished with his task and set the basket next to the rows of other laundry basket, pass through Atsumu to get into the kitchen. “Yo what’d ya mean by that! Why is everyone fucking up everything these days.” Atsumu chased after his brother and Osamu might have twitched at the sudden blame his brother put on him. “Goddamn it yer a loser. I can’t believe ya, how dare ya blame others for what ya did. Know it or not, ya did this to yerself!” Osamu looks at the face that is contorted in confusion. “Sumu, the answer is obvious. You felt guilty and you want people to say it to yer face. So let me do it.” Osamu releases his breath and talked. “If you’re impacted with what ya said to her it means you’re blaming yerself. And you want to undo everything that ya did.” Osamu said it in the calmest tone possible. His brother might he an idiot jackass who he despises when he was being annoying at times but he knew so well that they love each other and will always be there whenever problems arise cause no one would understand them as much as they did with each other. And right now, Osamu knows Atsumu is having problems, and his action to leave him angered and frustrated might have initiated something in that volleyball idiot’s brain.  
“My idea is just that, ya apologise to her. What she did was indeed wrong and disturbing but she might not knew that, and her intentions were always nice. It might have shocked her that ya said something so mean to her.” Osamu smirks, it is not everyday the smug smile of Atsumu’s is long gone from his stupid face. “Well, ya have to help me, I don’t have good communication skills when it comes to girls” Atsumu looks defeated and lunges forward to his brother for a hug. Osamu pushed his head with a single finger. “Ain’t no fucking way I’m giving a scrub like ya a hug, but I will help you.” Atsumu growled and they spend the entire weekend trying to come up with a way to apologize to you. “Samu yer the best bro ever” Osamu scoffs and replied “I know, buy me that dorayaki from the small stand near the football field as payment.” 

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After the weekend ends, school starts again. Osamu and Suna was calmly sitting in their seat and even when class is going to begin in another five minutes, they still can’t see you walking in the doors of the classroom. “Oi, Suna has [Last Name] always been this late before?” Suna knew about the plan they’re going to pull. Once he set his eyes on the Miya twins when they bump at the gate together he knew what’s up with the dumb pair of losers he’s known for two years and still counting now. Osamu explained everything and Suna gets it immediately after several plans they had in mind. Suna might have proposed an idea or two by telling them your favourite food he knew since middle school cause of the multiple ice breaking sessions he shared with you to the point that he gets annoyed when every time people ask what your favoutite food is your answer is none other than a simple tamago onigiri. “I dunno if it’s helpful but are ya sure that giving her food is making it any easier?” Suna asks again for the third time because once they were proposed with the idea given from the middle blocker they were delighted as if they found out a way to conquer the universe. The Miya twins thought that people are as oblivious as them when they got coaxed with food. One time, Osamu went on a date with a girl because the girl made a really good bento for him to enjoy during recess. However, knowing how idiotic Osamu is he stopped dating the girl after she asked him if he stayed for the food or for her. The joke still runs down until today and the club members always bring that up to make fun of him. “Charming someone through their favourite food is a really good way. Highly recommended.” Osamu tells Suna in delight and drools at the thought of munching a hearty meal of tamago onigiri. Good choice. “Well, you can say that when it’s ya, but it’s [Last Name] we’re talkin’ about here, Osamu” Suna says and leans back into the chair. “It seems like she’s not coming any sooner now” the teacher already waltzed in the class as the first period begins. 

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That night after you asked about what your mother dreams of turned some gears in your body. You realised Ran never had the chance to fully realise his dreams now that he needs to face his punishment in the juvie and is probably too gone far from his decided path. So you decided to take the earliest train headed to Tokyo, wanting to visit Ran after a long time of getting separated for two years now. You had the thought of visiting your dad’s family since they also live in Tokyo, probably having a fancier lifestyle than your mother and you who lives in an apartment with only two bedrooms. Since you’re all the way from Hyogo with spare clothes you might as well spend the night there and ditch classes on Monday, in no way you have the courage to go to school after the shitfest you went through in a single day. Besides, you’re alone in the main city, you can do whatever you want without people making fun of you or looking sideways. _Tokyo is good._ The overall vibe that envelops the whole city is fun, though your mom said to be careful walking in the streets alone. 

____

The public bus took you to a juvie school right at the outskirts of the city. It is quite an old place, with few cars passing by since the area is not common for people to enter. You saw few cars parked around the area which was probably owned by the visitors who were here for their family members, like you are doing right now. The wait for your call to the visiting room took a long time, but eventually the police who was in charge of visits called out for you and you saw your cousin sitting on the bench with a table in front of it. “Ran!” you ran to him while he accepts you in an embrace that you missed so much. “Ah I missed yer annoying ass [Name]” Ran said, he looks paler and thinner than you expected, probably the food here, his smile is a bit wider than the one he had before you see him move to Tokyo since he was transferred to the branch here. You finally had the courage to visit him after everything, and he didn’t dare bring up cause he knows both of you went through a lot for the past two years. “Oh I see you’re bald now. Gone all the plans for you to dye your hair blonde huh?” Ran gives out a dissatisfied face and invited you to sit down next to him.“I dunno, ya shouldn’t worry about me, how are ya doing, high school girl?” Ran asks as he pokes you into the sides. “Ah, so many things to tell—” “Shorten it” Ran cuts you off before having the chance to say another word. “Fine” you halted for a moment to arrange your words to lessen the time given for you to speak to him. “I went to Inarizaki, saw Watanabe, got bullied, disqualified from the swimming team, the guy I had a crush on said I am pathetic. Oh yeah, I got transferred to regular class from college prep class because I flunked my test. That’s all I think.” Ran waits for a second and his face morphs into a great expression of...confusion. So many things happened when he was away. “I was about to ask who your crush is but wouldn’t seem to convenient now that he rejected you now, right?” “Yeah, you’re right, he should not be in discussion right now, let’s talk about you.” Ran pauses and his face turns gloomy. It must have been tough for him to endure all this alone in another city where his family isn’t around. “I...it has been ok, I guess. Ever since I got in I am the only one who was 15-year old, the rest are pushing 20 so there has been some kind of a seniority.” You looks at him, worried. Seniority sucks, especially in a setting where delinquents are put in for correctional education like this. “But ‘s all good now! A year ago they became my friends and then some of them left for prison and some were released after few years spending time here.” It is just silence coming in between the both of you. You think that you do not deserve to do the talking probably because the guilt of looking at him in this state is making your guts perform cannibalism and it will slowly reach your heart. “Ran, I—....I am so sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you were grieving over the loss of uncle. I am so sorry. I realised that it is not space that you needed, you needed someone to be there for you and I—” Ran hits you in the head playfully. He laughs and slowly blink his tears away. “It was in the past, [Name]. It hurts like a bitch but I’m over it now, the therapist we have here is really nice and he helps me go through so many things alone while being here.” You buried your head in your hands, intending to hide the sobs away from your cousin, whose age is 3 months older than you. Ran pats your back quite hardly, like he is patting one of his guy friends and it made you jolt forward, earning little chuckles from the both of you. “I promise I will make it up to you, okay?” you hand out a fist to him which he bumps at. “I’ll wait for that”.

____

“Oh, by the way. What do you want to be, Ran?” you questions and sits straight, eyes staring back at the taller male next to you. “Oh well, since I got a change of plans by coming here, being a health worker might not be on the list.” Ran folds his arm and sighs. “Health worker? Like a surgeon?” “YEAH, that! It seems fun to save people’s lives. It’s a shame that I took a wrong path. How about you?” you blanked out. “Me? I...kinda have nothing in mind....I mean, it’s ruined I just have to wait until school ends, maybe then I will decide.” You hesitated as you let out the words. It is the truth though, you had nothing in mind. The original plan was that in middle school, you don’t have a clear vision of what you wanted to be, so you told yourself that it is only right that you wait for high school to figure it all out. Sadly, in high school the determination dies down after so many things went astray, left you with no time to properly consider how destiny is going to bring you places. 

____

“It shouldn’t be like that, [Name]. I had a dream but I got to change it, has to fit in with whatever I am now, you’re still in high school and you can figure it out.” Ran turns to you and grab your shoulders giving it a gentle shake. “Ya promised to let no one throw shit at your way, don’t you? So be it, study well and do your best. Stop having them in your way! You can take my dream if you want to!” You stood up from your seat, in shock. “You want me to take...your dream from you??? No way that’s weird and—” “M fine with it- to be honest, I am incapable to do that now but you can! And I would be really happy if yer the one who did it!” you were cut off and this leaves you in confusion but a determination might have kindled inside your frail heart, you felt like this could be the key to fixing the shit you got to deal with. “That seems...okay, I guess?” Ran stood up and hugged you again. “Good, I hope you will be okay though, if ya have a change of heart then it’s fine, as long as you’re happy!” you finally parted with each other while he left a will for you to inherit.

____

-

__Lunch break is finally here, and Atsumu was looking forward to seeing his brother and his best friend, Suna to proceed with plan to apologise to you. He wants to do it the natural way, like sitting next to your seat in your class and talking about stuff, apologise and run along but he thinks that what he said to you need something more than just casual buddy talk. As he pace around in the hallways, near to the class making sure that you did not see him around you he thought that maybe a lone talk with you behind the school building is better since you’re a quiet type of people and if people around you talking with him might not be the best idea since all the high school registered attendee knew what happened between the both of you, all thanks to Watanabe and her loud friends. What he didn’t expect was you, not even attending the school for the whole day.  
“Oi, Sumu!” Osamu runs towards Atsumu who was leaning into the wall of the hallways that was right next to the front door of Class 2-1. “What, is it a go?” Atsumu lunges forward to which Osamu pushes him back gently. “Hey slow down, she’s absent...Suna wants to text her but he felt like he has to wait for ya, let’s get inside” Osamu presses a fist to Atsumu’s chest and Atsumu groans dramatically. Atsumu gets in the class, greeting some of Suna and Osamu’s classmates (he knows you are in this class too but it sounds irregular if he refers it to your classmate, still bewildered that Suna and Osamu is kind of in your circle now). As he sits down on your empty seat, he had shivers running along his body and Osamu prepares his utensils to eat his bento, joined with Suna and now Ginjima. Yeah, Ginjima. “Oi pisshead ya didn’t even tell me yer here” Ginjima traps Atsumu’s neck with his flexed arms. Atsumu, groans again as he is wrapped with another annoying presence with the burdening guilt that’s pushing his heart down to his ass now.  
“Oh looks like Miss Number One Fan isn’t here, what happened?” Ginjima pulls the chair to sit next to Atsumu while stealing a sausage from Osamu’s bento box. “She is absent, no reason why BUT I WILL find out, now.” Suna fishes out his phone and pulls his gossipy smirk, again to which the others grumble at. “hm what should I say? Got any idea, Atsumu? How about— _dear [Last Name] Atsumu is an asshole and we all know it but why aren’t you here, I mean you coulda told me cause—”_ Atsumu took Osamu’s spoon and hit Suna’s head with it. “Yo Suna if you want to see your mom again don’t send that to [Name]” Suna growls and puts his hands up. “Okay lover boy, what do you want to text her?” All eyes on Atsumu. He desperately wants to know if you’re okay, but he will never show his side to his friends and his brother who will take this to the grave if it ever slipped out of his mouth._ _

____

“Just...ask her if she’s coming to school or not...don’t say it’s from me” Suna sent the message and kept the phone in his pocket. “Atsumu starin’ at me like that ain’t goin to make her reply faster, relax.” Atsumu huffs and leaned back into the seat while staring out the window. 

____

-

____

The night you spent at your dad’s new family home is better than he expected. All thoughts about your dad’s new wife taking the evil form of Cinderella’s stepmother was thrown out of the window of the moving train. You were welcomed by the family, along with your 6-year old stepbrother who is so cheerful it drew a smile on your face. Dinner was filled with plenty questions about school, and your mother who your stepmother is okay with and you’re glad it is not that stressful considering how shitty the few weeks have been for you, hence the reason you skipped school. They bid a farewell as you went to the train station in the morning, your dad sneaking in money in your pocket to which you’re thankful for. Few minutes into the train ride you went over a series of articles and studying tips you found on social media now that you finally had one dream and it is to regain your spot in the college prep class, because you need to get into medical school in a short time. Several college prospects later in come a message from someone who you have never expected to receive a message from (no one in school has actually texted you personally).

____

_2-1 Suna Rintarou: are ya coming to school today?_

____

Why would he be worried? This is the first time you ditched school but you wouldn’t expect people would actually noticed it.

____

you: im not.

____

A vague answer, at least it was direct because you never intend to know more about his intentions. After you replied with a two-word a text you fall asleep all the way to get yourself home, Hyogo. 

____

-

____

“Holy shit, she replied!” Suna said and all 4 big volleyball heads are huddled up to see your reply.

____

You: are ya coming to school today?

____

[Name]: im not.

____

“That’s it?” Atsumu asked. “Geez ya don’t expect her to narrate her whole sadistic story through text now don’t ya?” Ginjima replies and three pairs of eyes stared at him in disgust. “That’s so mean, Gin...” Suna said while putting his palm on his chest. “Well that’s half true, her answer is normal. Yall need ta stop making her look like a weirdo now.” Osamu looks at Atsumu who lies his head on your table and scratch the edges of the table.

____

“Okay now we should stay positive maybe she will come tomorrow, okay? Then we’ll help our lover boy here” Atsumu jolts up and spank the nape of Ginjima’s head. “I am not in love with her ya idiot” Ginjima was about to tease Atsumu another time but the teacher is already in and it is their cue to leave, so they did.

____

_Are you sure, Atsumu?_

____

-

____

Once you arrived home, the studying plans are finally officialised, meaning you kind of stayed late at night trying to catch up to the lesson you always ignored in every single class. It is really hard, considering you skipped out on a lot of it and how your grades progressively dropped each test because you were...stressed you guessed. You followed the natural order of studying which is to organize time for each subject and what you need to do for each subjects like applying a lot of reading skills in Languages and History, depth in understanding for science subjects and calculative skills for Mathematics. 

____

As you were scribbling through the textbook your heart tingles at the fact that Suna texted you during the afternoon. Warm thoughts occupied you now that you might have someone worthy to be called a friend since this school reeks of evil spawn taking in the form of high school teenagers. Your thoughts wandered to Atsumu who have contributed to a large portion of your life in high school. _Was he asking about me through Suna-san or?_ Your cheeks flushed and the curve of your lips turned more obvious as you further drown yourself in the thoughts of the bleach-haired setter. After re-doing plenty of calculus problems you plopped yourself on the bed, looking forward to school tomorrow since you have a new mission to be fulfilled.

____

-

____

What the four horsemen of Inarizaki Volleyball Club the kids of Inarizaki know of, was loitering around the hallways since class hasn’t started yet. Suna was talking about the breakup of the prettiest girl in the school who is a third-year and her ex-boyfriend, another one of popular pretty boy of Inarizaki whom Atsumu knows personally. “M telling you! I saw how Kana-senpai slapped him like those melodramas we used to watch before practice!” Osamu rolls his eyes at Suna and kicked him in the shin. Suna growls in pain and proceeded to become overly dramatic with the pain. “Ouch, ya brat it hurts!” “Gin, don’t trust this guy too much, I was with him when it happened, no one was getting slapped! This guy is too dramatic” Ginjima’s face that was once could be described with a smirking cat emoji turns in to the straight face emoji. What is it with this spiker that believes everything Suna said.“I swear I could pay to see that happen, this school lacks thrills! I want something fun to happen so I can tell my future kids later...” Suna sighs and nudges at Atsumu who was looking around for a specific someone (you) when his gossip machine of a friend got his gears working. “Oi, Atsumya, you saw your princess yet?” Atsumu pushes Suna playfully. “Suna ya sure make it seems like ya have a dying wish aren’tcha?” Atsumu growls and continue to look for you from the doors of the hallway.  
There you are, Atsumu stood straight from leaning into the windows. You looked different today, the usual hairstyle you pulled which was originally just letting your hair down covering the frames of your face is pulled up in a ponytail, head held up high while striding into the class with confidence and a resting bitch face, he seems intimidated. “She looks scary today, but good for her.” Osamu says after he notices Atsumu was in a trance as he saw you walk in the class. “Do ya want to relay a message to her? Oi Tsumu” Osamu pushes his brother’s shoulder slightly to steal his attentive stare to you so that Atsumu actually responds to him.

____

“Uh, uh-hmm nothing, I think. Bye the old man is here” Atsumu stutters and left for his class, dragging along Ginjima with him. “Okay, hang out with us later!” Osamu sighs, earning a push from Suna to get into class. “Ya don’t have to worry about him, kay. We got this.” Suna and Osamu trudges to their seat, noticing your state who was reading the history textbook while fiddling with the pencil you had in hand. Suna continues to head for his seat and turned his chair towards you and starts a conversation. “Yo, it’s still too early ta study, [Name]! What’s up?” you look up to him and furrowed your eyebrows. This is weird, just yesterday he texted you and now he strikes up a conversation, and now Osamu joining him. The two men in front of you were looking at you with intense concentration and it made your heart thrums so loud like a concert band is performing in your gut. The growing anxiety makes your face heats up so you look away from their face with hope that it might break the awkward staring. These guys are so intimidating. “I—uh, I’m fine, j-just need to catch up from yesterday...can I h-help you...?” “Oh, we’re doin’ fine, how about you, why did ya ditch classes yesterday?” your eyes went back to them, trying your best to not blink or have your heart skip a beat. You coughed up a little, draws back your shoulder and suck in a breath. “I went to Tokyo during the weekends, stayed over for one night with my family.” Osamu and Suna nodded in acknowledgement. “I hope ya had fun then” Osamu smiles at you and turns his body so now he faces the whiteboard in front of the class with the teacher finally getting in the class. _They’re being too decent._ You smiled, thanking them in silence. 

____

-

____

The class went well and you covered the material with the best effort, despite the lack of sleep. In time for recess you had plans to do some reviewing and solving few geometry problems to sharpen your understanding for the topic, however, it was all turning sideways cause you saw Watanabe in the hallways, and Atsumu at the door heading in to your class. You quickly ran out of the class with your printed question sheets and headed to the library. That was a close call. What’s not fun is the library, too. It was packed with people and one step into the library you heard whispers among the students and they were all mumbling yours and Atsumu’s name. Again, you stormed out of the place seeking for one place that reeks no disturbance like the one in the library and in your classroom. It is a shame since you feel like Suna and Osamu seems fun to hang around with but you feel like your intestine is going to jump out of your throat when Atsumu’s around. The embarrassment and guilt is too much to bear though _Atsumu planned to change that._

____

As you walked down the hallway trying to kill time and possibly going on a hunt for your new comfort place other than the girls’ restroom you saw the rooftop from the windows. The rooftop was forbidden to get into since there used to be students who used that place for lewd and substances purposes, the school egged on it even further by saying a kid once died there but you know it isn’t true. Though some people actually believed it. You turned the knob of the door slowly, even in bustling hallways hoping that no one bats an eye on your figure seeping into the forbidden part of the school. You climbed up the stairs and opened another door, revealing a wide space of the rooftop with few old tables and chairs neatly arranged at the sides of edges of the rooftop, as a barrier, you think. The horrifying thought occupied your mind so you proceeded to flip the sheets of papers in your hands, sitting on the floor and start with your study sessions. You decided that this will be your go-to spot for purposes like this, especially when it is recess because of the comforting breeze of wind that gives you a comfort of lifetime, peaceful of silence that lulls you to a beautiful nap after hours of staying up the entire morning to study. 

____

-

____

“Yo, Atsumu!” Suna holds his hand up and waves at Atsumu who was walking towards the two of them. Atsumu paused walking as he saw you walking out of the door and Suna turns his head to see you disappearing out of their sight. You’re actually obedient to what Atsumu said the week before. “I shoulda told her to stay, maybe later.” Suna sighs and turns his chair to face Atsumu who sits himself on the empty seat next to you. “S okay no need ta rush” Atsumu plops his head on the table and plays with some of the stationeries you left on the table, noticing the sticky notes pasted on the question sheets and several highlighted words. She seems to be a hard worker. “Where was she heading?” Osamu shrugs and proceeded to unwrap the onigiri he bought from the school cafeteria. When Suna continues the conversation about their day which they normally do, talking about the sitcom he watched with his family and Atsumu just coyly listens, Watanabe pulls a chair that has your bag on it to sit next to Atsumu, quickly linking her arms with Atsumu’s.

____

“Hey, Atsumu, why did you sit here it is pretty nasty” Watanabe looks around your place and dusted her uniform, making the impression that everything about you disgusts her. Osamu paused his movements of gobbling down his hearty meal, Suna glares at her and Atsumu stilled as his hand is still enveloped in Watanabe’s slim ones. “What do you mean by nasty?” Osamu air-quotes. “Oh? Of course it is nasty! [Name]-chan sits here, why else?” Suna and Osamu projected their angry face while Atsumu stills, his face blank, not giving any reaction, wanting this to end faster, Osamu supposes. “You don’t have the permission to sit on it though, and here you are calling her place nasty. S’ not like she ever messes with ya” Suna links his arms on his chest, leaning back to his seat wanting to look intimidating because everyone who is your enemy is his too.  
“Scuse you, HER? She ruined my life! You don’t have to trust her completely you know, I may look like I harass her everyday but she is way worse than what people think she really is, she used to be way shittier than I am, she just hid it better.” Watanabe sprung up, automatically breaks off the arms linking her with Atsumu. The three boys around her flinched and Osamu makes a comeback. “You’re still an asshole for stealing her clothes from her the other day, it doesn’t make you look any better” Watanabe lets out a breath in an angered manner, clearly she was displeased by what Osamu said, Suna holds back a smile. “I see Osamu isn’t as good as you, Atsumu, always so focused about what others do instead of his own, it is really sad.” Watanabe cynically smiles and Osamu slams his fist on his table. “What didya just say?” Atsumu stops his brother. “Hey cmon Sumu play nice, don’t” Osamu glares at his brother and Watanabe walks away in victory. “What yer taking her side now? I thought ya want to apologise to [Name]?” Atsumu looks away from his brother’s gaze and Osamu sits down readying himself before the class starts.

____

You were at the back door watching Atsumu and Osamu having an intense eye-contact battle to which Atsumu lost at. Atsumu turned towards the back door, making all your movements freeze, breathing paused. Atsumu looks at you with an anger smothered all across his face, he paused too. You moved to the side, leaving you wedged on the inner walls of the classroom, seeing him storming out of your class heading to his. Suna saw what happened and he remained quiet as you sat yourself down on your seat and preparing your textbook and stationeries on the table for the next class. Suna turns his body facing you. “[Name], I want you to know that Atsumu aren’t mad at ya, he’s just like that sometimes.” You nodded, face frowning. _I can’t seem to believe it._

____

-

____

Atsumu realised he wasn’t ready to apologise, it hit him a lot that afternoon because he sided with your bully and let her shame his brother like that, and he did nothing to stop the nasty woman from talking even more, spitting her poison. Osamu forgave him even without him apologising, he realises that Atsumu needs mental support from his other half but some parts of him want to kick him in the face for being such an asshole to himself and you. You were there when it happened, not sure if you knew what they were actually talking about. “S’ okay, Watanabe has been sketchy since forever, this dude knows it all” Osamu points his thumb at Suna who was drinking his strawberry milkshake Gin promised to buy him for winning a bet against him. “Yeah, we never really got along, she was kind of being excessively mean towards [Name] and some other guy, heard he moved away after the second year.” Suna sucks in one sip of the lactose-intensified drink. “Oh, she has always been a bully?” Atsumu asks. “Well, ya can say that, but in [Name]’s case it is a kind of revenge.” Suna continues walking forward to get back home.

____

“Re-revenge? What for?” Suna turns his body towards the twins and his other friend. “Oh I haven’t told ya guys about this? [Name] pushed Watanabe in the pool during middle school. Watanabe got mad so they kept on fighting each other and then when Ran got arrested, Watanabe toppled her over again, so basically Watanabe is the one winning this series of fights ever since middle school”. The three boys stopped walking, mouth gaped open. “Girl world...is insane...aren’t they tired of the drama, I don’t know much about it but shouldn’t [Name] just apologise, maybe then Watanabe stops messing with her?” Atsumu nodded in agreement. They went along with the journey home talking about how messy your never-ending beef with Watanabe is.

____

_There will always be two sides of the same story, Atsumu ___

______ _ _

-

______ _ _

The next day, Atsumu planned not to move to your class too early. He decided to see where you’re heading. I am not a stalker. Atsumu repetitively told himself that this action is normal, he just want to check up on you and...talk you out of your possible hatred on him, though he is not sure yet, you seem to be very unpredictable with the way your face contorts in nothingness at every reaction after the day he told you that you’re too...let’s not get there. Atsumu is hurt that he actually said that someone who has always been supportive of him. He saw you walk out of the class with a tired figure, swaying in the hallway heading to the stairs so he followed suit. You were climbing the quiet stairs while yawning and body lumping down as you walk and then got into the door leading to the forbidden rooftop. People die here, right? Is she going to? Atsumu wished the worst case scenario didn’t happen but it scares him more that it actually occupied his mind with the thought that you might do something dangerous. Being someone who grew up listening to horrible ghost stories that was told by his grandmother doesn’t help either. He despises ghost a lot and he admits that that is the only time when he loses his composure. You’re alone in a place that has affiliations with spirits or that is what he believed, so he hesitated to get into the door and check up on you but he risked his entire pride to apologise to you because for the first time in life he admits what people had said to him, which is being an asshole so he turns the knob. 

______ _ _

Chill air slapped him in the face, eyes squinting tight because of the intense sunlight shining on his face, giving him a reaction. Once he adapts to the blazing sunlight he rubs his eyes and slowly opens his eye to a sight of you, lying down flat on the dusty floor of the rooftop, eyes closed with arms sprawled out and hair spread out. Were you dead? Atsumu runs to your body and immediately lifts you into his lap while he shakes your shoulder. “[Name] come on this isn’t funny wake up, wake up fuck [Name] oi wake up!” you jolted and rolls of his lap earning a knack at your elbow. “Wha-what is it what happened is the school on fire wha- what are you doing here?” as you rolled on the floor your got up in a hurried position and almost tripped since your leg is still half-asleep giving in to gravity to which Atsumu supports you. Both of you are in panic and confusion. “Okay what the fuck just happened?” you tried collecting your breath since the sudden disturbance from your much needed sleep.

______ _ _

You stared up at him, hair all ruined and eyes swollen. “I was sleeping” you continued to sit down and rub your eyes. “Oh...uh....I...thought” Atsumu is lost and confused and he is embarrassed, that much was obvious since his whole face is flushed. He was so convinced you already— “You thought I‘m dead? Didn’t think you were one of those people” you walked past him and he turned his body and got in your way. “I need to get to class, Atsumu. Move” he holds both of your shoulder and your eyes widen, squirming out of his grasp. “This isn’t-“ “I am sorry” Atsumu finally opened his mouth.

______ _ _

“What I said to ya the other day was such an asshole thing to do and it was wrong, I was not rational and –“ Atsumu said in a breath but you cut in. “Okay, I get it now can you please just walk out so I can sleep here? I really need one right now.” Atsumu furrowed his eyebrows. You were yawning. “Oh. Oh. Yeah yeah yeah sure should I tell you when recess is over?” you turns your back towards him and lowers your body to the ground and lays down. You are already asleep. Atsumu is still stunned to the ground and after few seconds he finally walks up to see your sleeping figure laying there peacefully. “Have a good nap, then” Atsumu sits down next to you and extends his legs forward. It feels nice, this view. Maybe it isn’t as scary as what Suna told him during the nights of their training camp at the school. After you woke up he gave you the space to walk first and he follows behind, heading to the classroom.

______ _ _

-

______ _ _

The next few days went by quite smoothly, with midterms coming around the corner and students prepping up for exams, which includes you and Atsumu, who would have thought that both you and Atsumu will be spending time during lunch hour doing calculus and reading through biology notes, but here you are. Atsumu had his eyebrows furrowed and his mechanical pencil scribbling and circling the number that was provided to help solve the math problems that is sitting in his lap right now. He sits down on the floor of the rooftop with you at his side, also solving math problems you found on the Internet. “Uhh what am I supposed to do with this number!” Atsumu drops the question sheets on the concrete and pulls his hair aggressively, you side-eyed him and huffed a breath at him. “If you need help just say it, quit being a loudmouth” You said with confidence. It has been awhile since he started spending his recess with you on this creepy part of the school. At first you were weirded out and felt invaded when he sits next to you as you sleep, promised that he would wake you up before class started to which he fulfilled after several minutes and you are convinced that it was not so bad at all. The 20-minute break with Atsumu is a routine now, except you still can’t talk so much when it is with him. One of the reason is simply because you have nothing interesting to tell him, because of your very simple and tragic life and you know that if he listens to it he will probably think that you’re even more pathetic than he thought you would be. So you’re silent. He also didn’t strike up any conversation to you, apologetic face is still evident on his face so if he talks he might make the situation tighter than it was before. 

______ _ _

What used to be nap breaks turns into small study session, at first he used to help you with History and Maths but then you took the lead and taught him instead, it is a good thing his pride isn’t as fragile as you thought it would. Both of you have progressed a lot more after plenty of times studying together. One time Atsumu finally brought you a store-bought tamago onigiri you liked very much and you gobbled it with satisfaction and small smiles here and there. He jokes around and makes fun of your rice-filled face when you smile and he might have stared too long at you, making him turn away and brushes his nape in awkwardness. Suna and Osamu actually liked the idea of the both of you having lunch together, they were glad that the tension that usually warped around the two of you is finally relieved and you had more shares of conversation to the two of them especially in class. This isn’t a big news to the rest of club members either. Kita notices the genuine smile Atsumu would pull here and there at time to the juniors though he never did it to them. When Kita asks Suna the dam broke and everything is spilled in a heartbeat. Suna would often tease the living shit out of Ginjima because Suna isn’t the type to lose and it seems like he is winning and soon he will have 100 yen in his wallet transferred from Ginjima’s. All is well, said the volleyball team captain.

______ _ _

You scooted closer to Atsumu’s lean body and took his paper from him, looking at the very question that made him stuck for few minutes by now. You were reading the question with a pout and a very intense gaze, which makes Atsumu smile at how two different sides of an emotion could be found on the likes of your face. He swears you smell like flowers with that really close gap. “Ah, Atsumu, the clue is right here. The question said you have the same limit so you must equate the equation to zero!” You turned to his inching face, eyes still at the paper and circles down the word ‘same limit’ on his paper with your pencil. You looked up to see his face so dangerously close to yours and he smiles. “Oh, seems like I wasn’t too focused, thank you genius” he took the paper and start solving the problems in a second. You blushed at the title he called you, genius is too big of a word to describe you, and if you were a genius you don’t have to study too hard to reach where you are now. Ms Izaki is proud of your outstanding performance in quizzes of the subject and also other elective subjects you took. 

______ _ _

“[Name], I see you have gotten a lot of...improvement these few weeks. Yer doing a great job, congrats.” Atsumu said as he got up after he finishes packing up his materials and you’re still struggling to put your sheets in the file. You looked up and he fishes out his hand, offering to help you get up from sitting on the floor for too long. “Thanks, I finally have something to work on and I, kinda like it.” You giggled as you got up, lets his hand go from yours and headed to the door together. He opened the door giving you space to walk first, climbing down the stairs with carefulness, to avoid gaining attention from people. 

______ _ _

“[Name]” Atsumu calls out for you and you stopped mid-stairs to turn your body, facing him. “I hope whatever your dreams are you get it, I hope no one gets in your way” you were stunned and you pulled a smile. “Thank you, back at you too!” you continued walking down the stairs and got into your classroom. Atsumu giggled watching your way of walking with delight back to the classroom. 

______ _ _

-

______ _ _

“Stop smiling like an idiot and go for serve drills, Sumu” Osamu threw a ball at his older brother who was idiotically laughing in the store room, hands on his neck trying calm himself down from giggling too much. “Fine! Stop coming at me ya scrub!” Atsumu bolts out of the store room and took a glance to the stands where you usually seat and rolls his eye at your absence. Somehow when he wants to tell you that it’s okay to swing by to watch their practice in the evenings, he felt his mouth sealed tight, not wanting to make you uncomfortable since he knows you’re still shy around him. He likes how it was between the two of you.

______ _ _

The practice went with a haste and it is all good, Atsumu, just like the other good days he had, lashed out on others less when they mess up their serves. He makes no petty argument with others but joke around with others freely. The whole team’s mood is lifted that he is happy and smiling again, the days of his gloom had already passed and he is rebranding. Other than you not watching his practice serves nothing would tick him off.

______ _ _

The sun had already set by then, the volleyball team is finally wrapping up their practice before there’s a coccuriculum pause that was set by the school for midterm season. Atsumu was already out of the gym after he finished with doing his part which is collecting the ball and undo the net and put it back to the store while the rest were doing some other cleaning tasks. He saw a lone figure walking in to the pool when it is already closed since the swimming team don’t have practice that day, so he followed the dark shadow and goes into the indoor pool area.

______ _ _

He saw you stripping down to your inner wear, it is still a silhouette so he can’t see your skin very well, if he does he would definitely turn the other way around but that is not the concern right now since you already popped into the surface of the water and swim away peacefully. He remained standing at the entrance, hiding behind a door but is still able to see you swimming. You looked like an angel in his eyes, he always knew you were a swimmer but he never got the chance to actually see you swim and he mentally bumps his head on the wall because he has always gotten your support but he had never returned the favour. You were a wonderful athlete and no one in this school told you that, he felt like he is going to vomit anytime soon. Except he’s not since Aran had called for him. “Oi, Atsumu are ya comin or not!” Aran stood few metres away fro. The entrance of the pool calling for his blonde setter of a friend. Atsumu looks at Aran and panned his head to your figure in the pool and back at Aran again. “Yeah yeah coming!” Atsumu walks away in disappointment, he wanted to join too, maybe later. 

______ _ _

-

______ _ _

The next day, during lunch you and Atsumu spend the lunch break on the rooftop again, nothing much seemed to change after few weeks of doing it. The usually peaceful silence is what kept you comfortable for the most time, even though you are sure that Atsumu’s words that day still made you more anxious as soon as it pops up in your memory again. Atsumu never seemed to mention about what he said to you that day so you just pretend it didn’t hurt now that Atsumu spends time with you, and you occasionally have to break the promise by appearing in his line of sight, since you need to talk to him with what you understand on how World War I and World War II happened, because he messed up his own comprehension about it. You hoped that one day Atsumu finally opens his mouth to apologise properly but, who are you to even ask, it is just a stupid lunch break that you shared and it is nothing more to that. 

______ _ _

Later that evening, though there are no volleyball practice, he still stays at school even after class ended, he wanted to check up on you, if you ever make plans to swim in secret again, Osamu found out after quite some time that the purpose was you along because there is no way Atsumu would actually stay at the school for a quick revision on first-year topics at the library. The glances towards anything in the room except Osamu’s eyes gives it away too. “So yer telling me ya need to study? Whatever it is still yer turn to clean the toilet today” Osamu yawns and walks away with Suna and Ginjima to the bus stop.

______ _ _

Atsumu indeed waited in the library, used a dictionary to help replace his favourite pillow from his own bedroom for a quick nap, sometimes checking on his time to make sure he won’t miss this chance of you opening up to him. Once the library is closed and dusk almost make its appearance, he strolls to the pool area, looking for the likes of you in it. He saw your schoolbag on the benches that was located near the pools. Thank god. However, you are not there, as he turned his body towards the door your presence almost make his soul yeet out of his body and he was blushing like crazy. Your stunned figure in just a sports bra and an underwear is making him unable to properly form a simple sentence. You are also shocked and tried your best to hide your exposed figure with just your hands.

______ _ _

“A-atsumu wh-what are ya doing here? You are not allowed to be here you know” you were a blushing mess. Hair tied up into a bun with goggles in hand, your figure in just underwear is making the whole conversation tense. “Can you go, cause I thought I would be alone and I’m just in these it’s making me uncomfortable” Atsumu’s face is flushed and he hurried to look for a jersey in his bag that he always had around and gave it to you, closing in your distance. “Yeah I’m sorry but ya can have mine if you want to cover up.” Atsumu looks away as you snatch it away from his hands and put it on in haste. “Wait, you’re going for a swim too?” Atsumu looks at you. His heart is going to jump out of his chest because look at you, in his jersey that is too large the hem of the shirt brushes your bare thigh and he feels like jumping straight into the water to cool down. “I can join?” Atsumu asks and you hesitated. “Um, you can, if you want to, I don’t really mind.” Atsumu puts his bag on the bench right next to you and strips down to his undershirt and his shorts. He figured he can change into his sport wear when he gets home but his mind is now wrapped with the fact that he is going to spend his time with you as the sun sets, and he could never have the heart to ruin it.

______ _ _

“You can have my goggles, you can see the view under water that way, it has a lot of healing properties.” You gave him the goggles to which he took it and put it on his head, you’re still a blushing mess so you just dived into the pool and swim. Atsumu went in too, using the goggles to watch you from the lower side of the water, it is true what you said, it is healing. You were swimming with so much grace and not rushed and as you turn your body and completes the round, he got closer to you, hands and legs moving around to keep yourself afloat.

______ _ _

“So....yer swimming is really cool...you an athlete?” Atsumu asks as you finally got up to the surface and runs your palms on your face so you can finally open your eyes without getting the water inside. Atsumu took off his goggles and hangs in on his toned neck who is visible now that the shirt is clung on his body. “Yeah, I swim. I was an athlete in middle school but things changed” you swims to the middle of the pool and stays there. Atsumu followed and stood himself right in front of you, in the waters of course and kept on listening to you, figured he could do that much. “Turns out they don’t want someone like me here, fine by me.” Atsumu had his smug smile removed. He wants to know that you’re awesome and he is glad to know you, but he just can’t, as usual. “I’m sorry ya have to deal with those losers, they let a gem slip through their fingers just like that it must have been a struggle” Atsumu said with a really calm tone despite the heavy beating of his heart. You smiled so that’s a good sign. He wants to see that pretty smile all the time but he still has no idea what makes you smile and what makes you not, he is so disappointed of himself. “I’m not a gem, besides I have gotten over it. Not that big of a deal anymore” you plunges your head underwater again, diverting attentions towards anything that is not Atsumu. His statement flatters you a lot and you’re glad someone finally said that to you.

____<_ _ _ _

“Atsumu, can I ask you something?” You asks after quite some time of deep silence. “Yea sure what is it?” Atsumu stops pushing the water to your face as you glared and shoot him a question. “Um, I heard so many people talking bad behind you, are you okay with it?” Atsumu is shocked with the question. He admits he is an asshole in so many situation such as girls, sports and even in class. The girls in his class has long moved on from falling for him due to his rather upfront and unfiltered personality. Sometimes he would call the girls trolls when they pissed him off just because they told him to shut up once in awhile, or when he was just simply having a bad day and the girls happen to be in his way of walking so he lashed out on them unprovoked. When it comes to sport he would definitely trash on those who are not competitive or is not as good at him, when in truth he is just giving constructive criticism though sometimes he got corrected by Kita because of the cuss words that comes with it. Indeed, he is an asshole. He knew so many people talked about him behind his back, and those who called him out for it are only his friends that he remained close till this day, the volleyball boys. They were honest and Atsumu trusts them a lot, sometimes they helped him change his views on many things and he is thankful. Those who talks bad about him behind the back like a devil incarnate but is an angel from the highest level of heaven in front of him are those whom he never want to be nice to. So many people around him is like that and he is tired. You, however, are neither of those people. You’re not one of those who would call him an asshole right at his face or in whispers. You told him that you admire his passion in sports and he kept you forward and that thought makes his heart swell with pride. He can’t stop the bubbling feeling in his heart when you said it to him, he will never admit it. But this time it felt like maybe he can talk about it with you. It is relaxing to be in the water around your presence, with his t-shirt wrapped around your figure he knows it is a good time.

______ _ _

“Sometimes I think about it and sometimes I do not give a fuck. Deep down no one else knows about me more than I did, and when someone said I inspire them it is enough. When I got told that, I fully stopped those thoughts from disturbing me, so thank you [Name] for having that view on me.” He looks at you and flashed a genuine smile to which you smiled back. It wasn’t that wide compared to his, you’re still having insecurities holding you back from feeling satisfied but it was there, you’re thankful that he thinks that way of you. However, the words pathetic and worthless still rings in your ear, making you turn your head away from him and looks at the moon that was shining brightly through the windows of the pool area. “I hoped that one day ya get away from that thoughts, ya deserve it. Some of us are here for ya.” Atsumu said, making you turn to his face to see him looking right at you.

______ _ _

He has gotten too close and you’re feeling warm even when the water is as cold as the night. “That’s not that necessary, I’m doing fine as of now. I don’t want you to get involved...my records are stained, it will be ugly if you guys got in the way.” You covered your face in your hands, worried that you might get too attached with your new classmates who are nice to you, Suna and Osamu and Atsumu especially. “Hey, quit crying, kay, I’m here and we don’t want to swim in your snot now right?” Atsumu pulls your hand and clasp on it while he looks at your face. There are small pearls of tears at the edge of your eyes. Your muffled sobs warms his heart and he reached for that drop of tear, wiping it away to calm you down. “I’m here if you need anything, okay?” you’re still holding onto his hands like your life depends on it and it making your heart calms down making you feel better. Atsumu closes in, creating a very tiny space between the two of you. His whole feature is too close and you felt his stare on your lips and as he scoots in closer while having your tiny hands in his, you pushed your head under the water and swim towards the stairs at the edge of the pool.

______ _ _

“It’s g-getting late we need to get going” you got out of the pool while Atsumu is nailed on the spot. Atsumu got out of the pool as you pulls the hair band of your hair, drying your hair with a towel you stole from the store room. “Are you going to clean up?” Atsumu asks after he took off his shirt in front of you and you swore your head is spinning but that one small brain cell left kept you awake and sane. “Um, no, I-I’m...I’ll take a shower when I get home...” Atsumu blinks and he nodded in realisation. That one time of humiliation must have traumatized you. “I can stand and watch if you’re okay with it.” Your mouth gaps open. “Wait that’s not what I meant...I mean...I can stand guard and make sure yer okay...only if yer fine....ya know it’s up to ya” Atsumu is a babbling mess and continues drying his body. “No, it’s fine you can go and change I’ll take care of myself” Atsumu agrees and headed to his locker in a haste, got his clothes and changed into it quickly to get back to you, to see you already in your school uniform with drenched hair.

______ _ _

“I look too messy now let’s get going” you picked up the bag and left to the front gate with Atsumu. It is pretty late and you might have missed dinner, and Atsumu is replying to countless of texts which you assumed to be from Osamu because Atsumu was whining through text. He smashed his keyboard to reply. Understandable. Since your house and Atsumu’s are from different ways you need to seperate ways at the gate. “Thank you for...being my swimming buddy earlier. It was fun.” Atsumu nodded and smiled at you. “Are ya sure ya can go home alone? Do I have ta tag along?” Atsumu looks around the dark streets and watched at your unbothered expression. “No worries I’m used to walking home alone. Goodnight, Atsumu.” You flashed him a smile and carried on walking to the direction of your house. As you walked and turned around Atsumu was following you.  
“What are you doing?” Atsumu stopped walking. “I need to at least make sure ya made it to the bus stop. The world is scary ya know.” Your eyes were glimmering and seeing Atsumu’s caring side is making you blush. He thinks that he need to at least make sure you’re safe because there has been some cases that a creepy dude is loitering around this familiar street, a presence of a guy would help preserve a safe environment for you to walk home safely. He is walking side by side with you, already seeing the bus stop from his peripheral vision. After arriving to the bus stop with a really peculiar silence the street brought you, you spoke up. “Thank you, Atsumu. You don’t have to trouble yourself...and I will return your jersey tomorrow...uh...” You are not able to form a coherent sentence when it comes to talking to this guy, which is why you tend to not speak whenever he is around. Though his presence is familiar these few days there are still uncomfortable feelings that comes along with it, but you still want to express your gratitude for his kind and caring gestures. He doesn’t care about you that much get it to your head.

______ _ _

“Yeah no problem at all, just had to make sure yer safe” Atsumu brushes the hair that is close to his neck and taps his feet on the floor of the bus stop. “I meant more than that, thank you for keeping me company and delivering some words of wisdoms to me. I’m having a lot of thoughts about it...so” Atsumu’s eyes widen and he sees the bus. “Ah, the bus is here already. Goodbye, Atsumu and have a good night sleep!” The end of your sentence has a tiny fragment of delight in it and it jolts up Atsumu’s body so he waves back at you as you seated yourself on the bus.

______ _ _

**That was a fun night and both you and Atsumu can’t stop smiling on your way home.**

____****_ _ _ _

____****_ _ _ _

-

______ _ _

Midterm season came. It wasn’t that much of a struggle but you’re glad that you managed to cover every topic that made it into the first half of the semester without a break of sweat (actually there are tons of back pains, lack of sleep and messed up eating schedule that comes from it but you don’t want to whine about that to avoid making your mom worry about you). You are ready to nail the test and Atsumu said that you’re certainly going to make it without him because you worked harder than him and anyone else. He said it when the five of you, Atsumu, Osamu, Suna and Ginjima and you sits in a circle going though quick notes over war topics in History which you made and Suna is the one asking everyone about it, but you’re the only ones who got it correct all the time and you managed to convince they’re still going to do well because they helped you a lot when you missed out on a lot of lessons at the beginning time when you first enrol in their class.

______ _ _

Watanabe is not happy with the sudden closeness you and Atsumu have. Inseparable. People will think that it is just because she is jealous of you and Atsumu being happy together but it’s only because she hates you with a burning passion he would do anything to trample you deeper into your miserable life and at this very moment he can’t think of anything to make you fall. She found out about you and Atsumu spending some time together on the rooftop yet she can’t seem to act on it yet. She got her clique to look at what you guys were doing and there’s nothing too sensual about it either so she lets it pass and thinks about another idea that will maybe pop later. This midterm exam is important to her too.

______ _ _

After two whole weeks of brain rotting over exams and hours of revising the same damn chapters it finally ended. The boys had some thought to invite you to lunch outside in a mall but they figured you need some time alone after policing what they revise on for the exams during the entire exam period. It started from you getting tutored by Atsumu, to you tutoring Atsumu and then the rest of the gang. They heard no complains on your end and it helps you better when you tutor them. “It’s fine if ya don’t want to tag along, ya don’t have ta force yerself” Atsumu said after he sees your face contorted into an expression that is scared to say something. “Really? I have other plans so–“ you said after blinking too many times, a wave if realisation hits you that someone can read through you now. “Yes, just go do your thing, we can hang out some other time.” Atsumu smiles and you mumbles out a thank you to him before telling the guys that you won’t make it, earning a shrug and wishes for you to have fun with your weekly activity. The activity is actually just you spending the whole day watching some cheesy melodramas because you’re too insecure and anxious to go out with four teenagers who the girls in your high school has been chasing for a long time.

______ _ _

The result of the whole examination comes out after two weeks. The boys have been busy practicing again to prepare for the Spring Tournament to avenge their loss to Itachiyama during the Interhigh months before. Atsumu still can’t convince you to come watch him and the others practice the new quick attack they have practised for weeks now. You still kept your studying time consistent and the lunch break on the rooftop ensues with just you and Atsumu. You were content, for the most part. One day he brought tamago onigiri for you but this time he made it by hand and he watches you eat it with so much joy as he gobbles down his tuna onigiri he is obsessed with. The presentation of the food is a bit messy but you enjoyed it regardless because he said he spent a long time to learn how to do it using Google instead of getting help from his mother, nor Osamu.

______ _ _

You might have had a bad feeling about the results. You had your Math and History papers with an outstanding mark that passes the 90% milestone but you were told to return it to your teacher , said that they need to go over your methods of solving it and your way of writing an essay about the explanation on how much Renaissance era has impacted the political rights of certain races. It was too outstanding your teacher complimented your writing.

______ _ _

“Guys, they just pasted the result on the board!” the whole grade storms out of the class gathering in the hallways to look at the same bulletin board that has the results on it. The top-scorer hat everyone knows is at the top, as usual and many people congratulated him for it. “[Last Name][Name]? She got the second place?” a student yells out. Your eyes were bulging and you push past through the huddles of student in front of you to see it for yourself. It was true. You got second place. Your mind is all over the place and you were excited and you smiled to the brim your jaw hurts. I made it? I made it! There were people mumbling about you, the gossip just never stop even if you save a person from dying or taking a bullet for the president, people will still bring up about your past.

______ _ _

______ _ _

“Yeah pop off, [Name]! That’s cool you made it to the top of the grade. Ya deserve it” Osamu said to you as you escaped the packed space occupied by the students after they bring up Ran’s name. “Yeah, nice work here’s a candy” Suna pulls your hand and put a sour candy on your palm. “Do ya honestly want her to make funny faces after eating that crap” Ginjima bluntly say it, he can’t believe Suna had the audacity. “It tastes good, she deserves something good, right?” Suna smiles at you after glaring at Ginjima. You thanked them, finally feeling a bit better and less troubled with the fact that someone acknowledged your effort to get this far. “Ya did great, I got a fairly good spot, thanks to you, so...thank you so much.” Atsumu said it awkwardly, and the other boys snorted at him. “Man you suck, cmon [Name] let’s get back to class” Suna can’t control his laughter even after you got separated with Atsumu and you blushed. It’s not a big deal to help a friend, right?

______ _ _

-

______ _ _

Watanabe has snapped. She is at her limit, mostly because you did better than she did for the midterms, and people started to talk more about you, she is fuming and she won’t sit unless she see you fall. So during recess, when the boys got out of the classroom to buy their own food and you hung out with Atsumu at your secret location she went thorough your bag, and he notices the notes you had in your bag to be very familiar. So she took it away. Several pictures are taken too, and her friends spread a rumour about you and Atsumu probably doing some lewd stuff on the rooftop who got trespassed even when it is forbidden.

______ _ _

The rumour got to everyone, except you and Atsumu. Even the boys knew of it but Osamu decided to keep it a secret from the both of you to avoid unnecessary tension and panic attacks coming from you. It seems to not help at all that you got called to the faculty office by the Maths department head, Mr Nakashima. When you got into his office you saw your pink file ; the one you kept all of your notes and sample answers in that makes your bag heavier than it was supposed to be. “Sir, why am I called here I have a class right now” you said after sitting yourself down on the chair that was prepared for you. “Oh, I am aware, you are excused with a letter from my department. You are called here for some issues that I need to take care of by myself.” Mr Nakashima said it with his stern intimidating voice and you can feel yourself sweating and heart palpitates like crazy. “What issues?” you asked after collecting your mind together, since it was all over the place. “Did you cheat on your exam? See, this set of answer sheets in your file here seems to have a lot of similarity with your exam paper. Where did you get this? It is all just answers written by hand, not a single question here” you were at loss of words. You just got questioned about an exam you sit truthfully and you knew it is a lie but you can’t say it or defend yourself. The questions kept coming and it is making you anxious. “N-no I didn’t, I studied hard and– I saw those online, I needed study materials so I just used it...“ “The answer scheme for this math paper is similar as mine, it was too similar and you happen to have it and answered the same thing for your paper. Also how you miraculously climbed up to the number 2 spot after you got kicked out from the college prep class is so weird to me. No one can drill their gears to reach this far. Can you say anything about this? [Last Name]?” he started rolling his sleeves and coughs around when he was questioning you. “I can prove it, I always study with Miya Atsumu from Class 2-2 and we would always revise together.” You pleaded to prove your innocence, but you didn’t realise the mention of his name would wreck an apocalypse to his and your life. Mr Nakashima starts talking again.

______ _ _

“Miya Atsumu, the one who you have been fooling around with for few weeks on the rooftop? You do know that place is forbidden to be in, right? Do you realise you broke a rule that could get you and him suspended? Also, you were involved in a drug case, right? It is not going to look pretty on your merit records, wouldn’t it?” Mr Nakashima said it with the scariest sound possible and you were already crying, worried that you might drag Atsumu into this. He already got into the office and stood by the door. “Sir, why am I here, again?” Atsumu asks already seeing you in a wrecked state, hair tousled amd eyes watery as you choke and muffle on your own sobs to keep yourself collected. “Ah, you’re already here. I’m going to be direct, what did you and [Name] do on the rooftop? Atsumu you’re a promising athlete and it wouldn’t be neat if the under-18 Volleyball team has a trouble student in it right? What did you do with [Last Name]?” Atsumu stood in horror. You knew so well that he is not going to jeopardize his volleyball career since he has every reason to make it pro once he graduate so you were already begging on your knees. “P-please sir, Atsumu has nothing to do with this he knows nothing he was never on that rooftop I was alone and I-I just call his name be-because he, just, please this has nothing to do with him just let him go, I will stand down” you were already a sobbing mess and your hair covered your entire head who was hung low. Atsumu can’t say anything, it is true, he will do anything to keep his record clean, he knows what he did was wrong but why would he let you take all the blame for it. He didn’t know. His mouth remained shut and he walked away because Mr Nakashima told him to leave and let this things get settled just between you and the angered looking teacher.

______ _ _

Behind the closed doors, you finally admitted to cheating on the exams, the proof to prove you otherwise is used against you, your notes are taken for granted and your answer samples are the ones that stabbed you behind your back. You were shocked too, when you were presented with the questions, you gasped at the familiarity of it, except there are some minor changes on the question. It was too similar with the question sheets you downloaded online so it was not a problem with the way you answered the test, your photographic memory of the answers happen to help you with your exam. You didn’t cheat, you were just a hard-worker who is lucky at one point in life. But all of those doesn’t matter, as you already had written a form that needs to be handed over to the disciplinary department, showing that you admitted to your wrongdoings and is ready to accept the punishment set by the board. You had lost one hope that could keep you going, and you think that this is the finishing blow. You are going to get suspended from the school, along with having to fail your midterm because the marks are changed due to what you did. You accepted it wholeheartedly.

______ _ _

Atsumu waited at the doors of the faculty office. As soon as you got out, he pulled your hands and sneaked himself and you into the janitor’s closet. “What exactly happened, [Name] what’s going on why am I-why are you called to the office?” Atsumu asked, not bothered to ask if you were okay or not. “You don’t have to worry, Atsumu. You’re not involved.” Atsumu’s eyes widened. “Not involved? I just got blackmailed by that old man about my volleyball career! It’s Watanabe, isn’t it, god ya should have just apologised to her.” When Atsumu said that, you cracked. “You....you think I...did something to her?” your face is finally visible in his eyes, your eyes watery and cheeks puffed. “Ya pissed her off and it’s only right for ya to admit it so this beef ends earlier. Look at you now!” you scoffed. “You know, Atsumu. It seems like you still don’t accept me as your friend. You don’t even hear it from my side of story.” you paused. Heart already shattered because of how oblivious you are. “If you want to make yourself happy, I apologised to her every time she brought it up, no one would hear it from my side, so let it be.” Paused again, Atsumu’s taller figure is slumped forward. He messed up big time. “If you think I pushed her into the pool when in truth she actually tripped and I happened to be nearby then so be it, believe that. It’s not giving me an advantage even if you know the truth now, anyways.” As you hold the door knob of the janitor’s closet, you turned to him. “I trust you the most, out of everyone in this school. Guess I just have to let it go too. Goodbye Atsumu” you slammed the door and spent the rest of the few classes on the rooftop, sleeping your way out of this, which didn’t work.

______ _ _

-

______ _ _

After school ended, you discarded all of your clothes and tried to jump into the pool. But you can’t. The pool had always been that very one way for you to feel relaxed and escape from the troubles and problems you had, but you know so well that it won’t let you get away this time. Not even after you worked so hard to get this far up the food chain, not even after you finally got close to Miya Atsumu after having been told by him that you are pathetic and worthless. Yeah. It finally slapped you in your face that the word rings the same bell whenever you thought of it, and it was true. You are pathetic and worthless. No matter how many times you tried to change that thought it won’t ever budge. Why do you think Atsumu never apologises? Why do you think he never asks about what happens between you and your mortal enemy? It hits you, and your patience. You legs gave up, gave up from supporting you from the grounds to get you up, and you wailed, like you just got your soul ripped away from your own body, like it is giving up, too tired of the torture your body has to go through every single day. You felt like you’re dead. Only emotions left. As you wailed, with your knees glued to the floor, heads in your hair, pulling so hard, eyes about to get blown up, you’re doing an impression where you bowed to the Emperor, asking for your life to be spared, even when you did a horrendous crime to the empire. You begged for the suffering to end, waiting for someone to help you, but the help didn’t come. The help that you wanted to arrive was out there, stood at the door watching your wailing mess on the tiles of the pool area. He told himself that he should give you space so he did.

______ _ _

Oh how much Atsumu regrets not coming to your rescue, because after you gave him the jersey he lent you during that one time you spent with him for a quick swim after few days, he never saw you again. You gave him a bag that has his jersey on it, along with a ‘im sorry’ note pasted on the paper bag. You gave it to him, without another word spared, eyes not on his, and walked away when he clasped the strings of the hand in his calloused knuckles. 

______ _ _

Too bad, Atsumu would have changed a lot of things that night. If he was there for you and comforted you and told you that he never think of you as someone so pathetic and worthless but as someone who is so brave and kind, he would have still got the chance to spend his lunch break on the forbidden rooftop he called safe haven, with you, and not running around the school looking for you the next week only to have find out that you moved to another city. You are too good for this place and everyone who’s in it, including himself. And he is going to make everyone regret not treating you nicer.

______ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah, it is finally done, and I am so sorry for the late update. The writing block is too overwhelming and even if I tried writing another fic which was already posted it still can't make any difference and I cried at some point and I got anxious over time but here we go and boom...17k man I really think it is impossible but it is done. Please leave feedbacks because it's getting weirder everytime I proof-read, and please leave a kudos. Thank you so much for reading and enjoying this story. Have a blessed day.


	4. Chapter 4

Atsumu regretted his actions. He regret not telling you that he will listen to your side of story. He regrets putting himself before you. Moreover, he regret not walking into the pool area, giving you a hug, telling you that he will be there for you even if the whole world stood against you.

But that is in the past and he can do nothing about it.

Because you’re no longer here, you are nowhere to be found.

Not at the gates, where you usually wait for Atsumu to give him cookies.

Not in the gym where you would watch him practice everyday.

Not in the class where you would study before the classes starts.

Not in the pool where you spent the time watching the sunset with him while you’re swimming in his jersey.

Lastly, not on the rooftop where you would spend time with him everyday without a care in the world. He was convinced that even when the school is on fire, he would sill find you peacefully sleeping, eyes away from the blazing sun.

He found out of what actually happened in the faculty office after the school starts again the next week. At first he thought he would just have a warning for breaking into the rooftop with you and he would spend his evenings of community service instead of going for practices.

But it all went downhill. He never would have thought that you got framed for cheating on the test. If he knows what really happened he would have told the teacher that you would never cheat and that you rightfully claimed that spot with your own sweat. Besides, Mr Nakashima threatened Atsumu with the future of his volleyball career on the line and Atsumu could do nothing but got petrified and has to listen to whatever that old man was saying.

Atsumu can’t stop blaming himself for what he did. No matter how many times his teammates tried to convince that he is not in the wrong for this he would never have the heart to live in peace and bask in his popularity at school like how he normally was before you happened.

He simply can’t. Not when he left you alone right there in the pool and then finding out after another week started that you no longer were there. Atsumu had two chances to help you. Yet he let it slip away, like you slipped away from the gates of school with no one asking where you were heading. Apparently, they won’t ever forgive you for lying on that test, and for having the audacity to trap and drag Atsumu into doing lewd and immoral behaviour the school’s pride shouldn’t be doing.

The first chance was that evening in the pool area, of course.

The second one is when you came to the gym, to return the shirt you promised to give him a week ago.

“Atsumu, someone wants to see you.” Atsumu missed a beat of a jump and the ball that was supposed to be tossed to Aran, fell on the floor.

-

Atsumu saw you near the shoe-rack outside of the door, with a paper bag in your hands. “Hey, ssup?” Atsumu grips his waist, appearing to be lax around you. Someone clearly didn’t get the memo that you were not doing well. “Here’s your jersey...from the other day. Thank you.” You didn’t even look in his eyes, the usual ponytail that he would see yourself in is nowhere to be found, instead you have your hair drooped down, dried-up ends of your hair stroking sleeves of your crisp uniform. After you said the word ‘thank you’ you left without giving him a chance to say another thing.

No one told him that would be the last time he would saw you, like ever.

What he had left of you are just the jersey, a small note of ‘im sorry’ and the memory of you walking away from him, and the blank answer of what your emotions at the time really were, since he can’t even see your face when you said the final words.

-

Atsumu tried to push this whole situation about you to the back of his head but it is to no avail. Somehow his routines with you stucked on him after quite some time, he still occasionally swings by the rooftop and would glance his way to the swimming pool. There is a faint energy of yours lingering around the familiar areas and it made him feel a little bit alive. He is so glad that you could make him feel that way. What comes off as a place that he would hope that if he turns around, your presence will be there turns into his personal comfort space. Despite the warning, he would still climb up the stairs and sometimes his friends will be there with him.

At some point, that place no longer becomes a forbidden area but it became a place for people to casually hang out there and the teacher who knew of this pardoned those who were there. The most disturbing persona would be the very evil form of devil, Watanabe Momo herself. She would find and drag everyone who went up there to the faculty office and pushed the teachers to get mad at them. Ms Izaki would just let it slide sometimes but not Mr Nakashima. Someone said Watanabe does all that because she found out you were the one responsible to make that a trend and due to her outrageous and unexplainable amount of hatred she harboured towards you might have instigated her further actions.

She would occasionally scream her heart out when people mentioned your name in her radar, and even if you weren’t there, Miya Atsumu would always lash out on her. His guilt drives his courage forward and he hoped that the Gods would make you listen to what he did no matter where you are as of the moment.

“Oi Watanabe, don’t ya think yer the one obsessed here? Knock it off she did nothin’ to ya” Atsumu closes the door of his locker with a bit of a force, the anger must have fuelled him. “Yeah for real, it is not like she’s here to push you into a moving bus!” Suna added, earning a snort from the twins and Ginjima finds it really corny but he laughed loudly because he too, wants to push on Watanabe’s ego.

Their influence is really big, so those who are within range of the cool and attractive volleyball boys laughed along with them. Atsumu thinks that bullying a bully doesn’t sound too bad. Nonetheless, he still taste that bitter taste of guilt on his tongue as he remembered how you said that you trusts him the most yet he simply took advantage of that. All he wanted to do was dig a hole and live in there until you come and fetch him out of that hole.

-

That evening you walk into the house, all you were thinking about was to escape. You need to get out before everything eats you away in tiny bits just like what happened at school. You wanted to run. At first, your mother was disappointed about how you were framed by a teacher for doing something you don’t and she also wanted the teacher to apologize, re-investigate about what happened but it seems like a new environment would have been better for you so she gave up. After some more crying and your mother rubbing your back telling you that she will find a way to help you, you finally elaborate on her about your suggestion.

“Mom, what if I moved into dad’s? And then I study there?” your mother look into your eyes and has a hint of sorrow enveloping her features and you want to hide yourself away from her before you hear her heart breaks. That discussion ended there as she went out for an hour long of grocery shopping and came back to prepare a dinner for two. She will think about it later.

Later comes fast enough as she walks into your bedroom at 3AM in the morning, telling you that she would let you reside in your dad’s home to finish high school. That night you spend the night sobbing with your mother as you recollect the information that you might have to separate from your mother for quite a long time.  
The next day, she came to school with you after you ended your classes. As promised you apologised to Mr Nakashima again and thanking Ms Izaki for taking care of you this whole time.

You really are going to leave this school the way it is. After you left the gym and went to the school gate, you look at the school for one last time, the place and its people that have pained you and marked you with a scar that you think won’t ever heal, and it’s motto for one last time.

 _Who needs memories_. You laughed. For the first time you agreed with how this school operates. _I don’t need these memories._

The move to Tokyo was quick enough, it was smooth and your dad picked you up. It is nice to reconcile your relationship with your father. You talked for some time despite how it is hard that you left your biggest ray of sunshine behind in Hyogo. You’re going to miss your mother so much even though you promised her that you would visit her every month.

After some times of unpacking, your step-mother walked in with your father at the side. “Honey, what really happened in Hyogo?” everything broke inside you, so you decided to tell what really happen, how Ran left, you met Atsumu and whatever that happened in the school, they tried their best to listen and your step-mother can’t help but cuss whenever Watanabe is mentioned. You spent an entire week inside, your parents decided to make you stay calm first and do what you want as long as you’re inside. You also finally took the courage to seek a treatment because sometimes when you talk to them, they noticed there is a slight hint of sadness and anxiety growing out of you. You needed it so after four days of spending inside cooking and playing with Mayu, your step-brother, you laughed freely. You swore you heard your parents heaving a sigh of relief when they saw you laughing so loudly over the small boy’s antic. You’re glad that you can hold it up well, too.

The week is over and it’s time for you to go to school, nothing could ever make you scared like this ever again. The fear of not being accepted. It was there. Each step that you took to walk to your class in Fukurodani Academy you want to cry. It was scary and one student was whispering and it made you tremble so hard you want to puke. But you promised to yourself that this is a new chance and you don’t want to destroy it. This time you need to be there for yourself. So you opened your mouth.

“Hello. My name is [Last Name][Name] and I will be your classmate from now on, a pleasure to meet you guys!” you bowed to them and they smiled, they were all welcoming you warmly and you were glad.

You also think that you’re the luckiest person to sit next to a person like Akaashi Keiji. He is the embodiment of an angel specialised to take care of a specific someone. A literal angel. You were so glad that you did well for the special exam to decide your class and you happened to be his classmate. It is like the Gods arranged everything for you when you’re in Tokyo.

Akaashi introduced himself properly when you seated yourself next to him, and you think you got attached to him too quickly. He showed you the entire school before leaving for practice and that is how you learned that he is a volleyball player. During the journey to unravel each angle of the school he would talk about himself because you asked him a lot of questions to avoid him asking more about you.

“Where are you from?” Akaashi asked. You only replied to him with just Hyogo and refused to tell him the-I-word. You learned that he is the vice-captain of the club and is the setter of the team, also saying that you need to see Bokuto, the captain and his other volleyball friends. What awaits you are the best circle of friends you could ask for. Bokuto is a really kind and warm person and he took great care of you, even when you just got here for like a week. “Akaashi’s friends are my friends! Simple as that!” Bokuto said when you visited by the gym (it was forced) because Bokuto wants you to know Akaashi is an amazing setter. Indeed he is.

There are quite many times that you can’t escape the memories you locked in the deepest space in your brain. Sometimes it would just pop up like someone violently took off the lock and shove it to your face. Sometimes Bokuto and the others would read about Volleyball Daily during lunch period in the cafe and would point and scream loudly when Bokuto’s face appeared. As they were turning the pages of the magazine it lands on a page about setters. You spotted Akaashi’s face after Konoha pointed at it and teased the setter about it. You can’t seem to look into more of Akaashi’s detail as his information is paired next to Miya Atsumu, the guy from your memories.

You frowned and continued eating. “Oh, this guy from Hyogo, do you know him, [Name]?” Bokuto asked and you turned at him with a horror look on your face. Luckily you’re a better actor now. “Ah, no, I never heard of him” you giggled and Bokuto scowled, hoping that you actually do know about him because Bokuto want to be friends with him. You sighed and continued eating.

When it is the nationals, you told them that you can’t watch them because you need to visit your mother for New Years when there’s another reason that overlaps with it which is you not wanting to intertwine ways with your ex-schoolmates, especially Miya Atsumu.

-

What rings in Atsumu’s mind to these days is how easily convinced Mr Nakashima was that you cheated in your exams. Atsumu knows you’re the diligent type, and this isn’t that much of a big news to Suna and Osamu who have been your classmate for a period of two months and more. Usually they would turn around and ask for your answer so they don’t have to humiliate themselves when they got called to write the answer on the whiteboard.

So when Atsumu flipped through the collections of question sheets he got from you, it all started to crash into his small mind. You said you got all these questions online from a website that requires a tad bit of hard work due to its unavailability in this country. On almost every single one of his notes, he saw a very translucent font that is quite an eyesore to read. He took the yellow highlighter from his pencil case and lined the half-invisible word on the paper.

There goes the word.

Atsumu spent the whole night comparing the test paper and the ones from the website he broke in using VPN.

-

Atsumu doesn’t tell anyone about what he discovered last night, not even Osamu. He doesn’t want to risk having people know about this plan and he knows so well that he might get affected by this discovery. In theory, Atsumu thinks that Mr Nakashima threatened you to apologise and admit to your own mistakes for cheating while in fact, you intentionally spilled the beans that Mr Nakashima plagiarised questions from other country and calls it as his own. The similarity of the test and this one particular set of questions he found from the website you used is too obvious. The old man he now despised with a burning rage changed some things here and there and Atsumu isn’t that oblivious and he saw right through everything. Mr Nakashima was close to getting caught but he covered it up by making you get chased out of this school with blackmails and accusations. Which worked wonders. You ended up moving away from Hyogo to god knows where and he swore he didn’t choke on a sob when he saw your handwriting on one of his History notes he made with you on the rooftop.

_All the best, Atsumu ~~_

Atsumu smiled instead, and he never would have thought that History was as interesting before you happened.

-

One day, after he finished practice, a girl was standing near the gym. She also called for Atsumu.

“Who are ya?” Atsumu asked as the girl stood closer to him. “It doesn’t matter who I am, there is a lot of talking we need to do.” Atsumu scoffed and walked past her. His friends were still in the gym, doing their part before practice ended.

“This is about [Name] and you have every reason to know about it. So are you going to listen or not?” the girl glared at Atsumu as his eyes widened at the mention of your name.

_Is this another clue to help you reclaim your title? To make people know you were never wrong?_

Indeed, it is. The girl told all about what Watanabe has been doing since middle school to make you disappear from her sight.

He found out that she snitched on you and your cousin, he found out that Watanabe uses him to rile you up because she caught on to the fact that you have been crushing on Atsumu for a long time, he found out she was the one spreading the rumours about you having sex with Atsumu on the rooftop.

He found out that Watanabe threatened Mr Nakashima to make sure you got expelled from Inarizaki High with his career on the line. She found out about the plagiarism before Atsumu did. He now has every reason to make sure both Watanabe and Mr Nakashima’s lives get crushed in his hands. In no way he is going to forgive what these people did to you. Later that night Atsumu cried because it felt like the misfortune in your lives are too hard for you and he finally felt it, he is indeed in love with you.

Atsumu scoffed at how easily you got him wrapped around your fingers, he didn’t realise it at first but the day when you said he was doing well during his games, giving words of encouragement everyday, your soft and tiny voice that would tell him that he drives you to live on is what makes him feel like he needed more. This is why his guilt from the day he screamed at your face is too overbearing he needs everyone to tell him that he was wrong for it. What his captain said all this time was indeed true and he felt like punching himself in the face for not making you stay. He missed having your sleeping form on the rooftop and the small huffs of breath you let out, peaceful without a care in the world. He was dying to see that again, to have you next to him, and to tell you that he likes you back and the amount is tenfold from what you felt towards him, but he can’t. So he did it, the next day he stood his ground to help you.

He had everything ready, he talked to Ms Izaki about it first since he knows she acknowledged your effort as much as he did. After a lot of pestering and reassuring the female teacher that his theories could be proven right, it finally did unfold, it involves the principal. Mr Nakashima finally admitted to his wrongdoings and Watanabe got dragged along too, Atsumu swore the reason Wanatabe was more agitated was because of the shit-eating grin he pulled, it was all his anger talking so he will never blame himself. This kind of anger is what drives him to make sure everyone knows you’re the sweet innocent girl he is in love with.

It worked, and it took really unexpected turns. Watanabe got suspended for cases of blackmailing and bullying meanwhile Mr Nakashima got a lawsuit incoming for him. He was also called to the office of Ministry in Education, so he got two lawsuits against him. One from the said office and one from your family. He saw your mother coming along with your dad (as what they introduced themselves as) and another woman who had the same eyes as you did. He later found out that your mother is a single mother while you lived with your dad and his new wife. All three of them were in the office except you, and he frowned at it. He was hoping that he could see you again but guess not.

Your mother was crying as your step-mother patted her on the back while you dad was busy cussing at Mr Nakashima. The old man who he remembered to be so stern it made you kneel on the ground to drag Atsumu out of this is trembling in fear with his knees on the floor, begging to have the lawsuit cancelled and apologising like it would change anything. Your family proceeded anyway, and they won the lawsuit. Atsumu wasn’t there for the hearing because of the Spring High Tournament he went with his club members.

“Hey, let’s put that aside I’m sure that shitty old man is going to get it.” Osamu links his arms around Atsumu’s neck as he reassured Atsumu. Atsumu scoffed and proceeded to warm up for their first game.

Watanabe got expelled soon after, every day the students would greet him and thank him for what he did. They still have no idea it was you all along.

-

Atsumu has been a little more peaceful after that. He doesn’t go to the rooftop anymore, despite the amount of memories of you and him there, instead he just lurks around with his friends and his brother in their class, eating and chatting around like there’s no tomorrow. His attitude changed a lot to, he tried to make himself tolerable than how he was before and his classmates noticed his change and is proud of him, his studies got better after few months and though his stress from losing to Karasuno High during the Spring High Tournament affected him quite badly, it doesn’t stop himself from practicing and doing his best, which explains why he became captain the following year. It was worth it.

And he would sometimes dwell on the fact that he won’t see you anymore, and he still blames himself from setting himself up like this.

And the day when he brought his team together to the Nationals again, he prays that you would be there in the stadium watching him but he would prefer him seeing you more, he believes you don’t have to look up to him anymore when it should be the other way around, since you’re the one who left a big impact on his life.

He did saw you, it was just your side profile and it was before his game, he saw you at one of the vendor that sells onigiris along the rows of other vendors, but he snapped himself out of it, he thought it was an illusion, until when he got back to school a day later and the whole school was talking about you and your presence at the tournament. He missed the chance again, he face-palmed himself.

-

Your school days in Fukurodani Academy might be the best thing to ever happen in your life. You were blessed with good friends, Akaashi and Bokuto who have been nothing but pillars of support you needed. They found out after some time that you would go to therapy as there are many days of classes that you would skip and they asked you about it so you just have to tell them. When you told them about the therapy you never mentioned about anything that happened before and they weren’t exactly the type to force it out of your mouth, instead, they made a promise to you.

“If you need anyone to talk to, we’re here all the time. Don’t pressure yourself, we’re already so proud of you” Bokuto hugged you tightly while Akaashi rubbed your shoulders. You smiled into the hug. Bokuto is always a great hugger.

Not long after Bokuto graduated, Akaashi missed him more than ever but Bokuto promised that he would come and visit once in awhile, Bokuto fulfilled it without promise and you think that maybe the affection both of them felt for each other is not limited to friends, you caught up quickly with a reassurance to Akaashi that you would be happy with whatever his decisions are, no matter when it is in the past, present or the future.

The final year, you spent more hard work to get where you are, along with Akaashi and both of you graduated with honours, your whole family was there with you and you can’t have another level of excitement that could compare to where you were at that day. You smiled with pride with a promise that you would work harder to reach the dreams of your cousin as promised to graduate medical school and practice it with dedication.

-

Internship is finally over. Four long years of cramming and swallowing the entirety of the textbook as heavy as the big boulder and two years committing hard work and service to the hospital is a pain but it is worth it. You love the environment, though sometimes it spooked horror inside of you because of some cases that is too hard to bear you went through it anyways, with the help of your mentor and some other students that took the internship along with you. It was an experience you wanted to treasure forever, with the hope that you’re going to graduate and spend the rest of your lifetime working and providing healthcare services to everyone who needs it.

You were reminiscing to the days when you were still a sophomore in medical school and the struggles that comes along with it. Money has never been a problem since you’re blessed with a parent that could afford to pay for all of your needs and the hefty amount of money from the lawsuit Mr Nakashima lost. Oh how you so badly wanted to shove it into his face that you made it to medical school. You regret not coming to school that day to throw a stack of papers on his face and Watanabe’s because you were too kind back then. However, you already like it how the present you is holding up and there’s no time for you to cry about it again. You’ve moved on and you’re proud of yourself.

Your mother had lived a happy life too, she got married to a regular customer who’s actually a rich businessman and he got attracted because of how comforting your mother’s food was, and after casual flirting and teases during family dinner right at your face, they finally sealed the deal and lived a happy life in Hyogo. It feels like the universe finally gave you something you should be happy about since the torture you went through seems to hard to handle all alone. Once in awhile you would thank the lord for the endless happiness that surges your body every day. It makes medical school feel a little less difficult than it was supposed to be.

After long of waiting and smiling to yourself like an idiot, Akaashi called for you.

“[Name]! Let’s go!” Akaashi called for you from inside the car and you quickly trudged along to the door of the passenger seat of the car Akaashi was driving. “Wow look at you, finally done with internship, proud of you.” You giggled. “Hey, of course. It’s cause I’m amazing that’s why.” You said it earning a scoff from the other guy who seems like he lost hours of sleep.

“Okay now, Bokuto might be waiting for us.” Akaashi pressed on the pedal and headed to the restaurant they promised to eat at with you.

“Oh by the way, we’re sorry we can’t pick a better place for you, I’m kinda short in money” Akaashi sighed and you just jokingly poked at his side. “Nah, it’s fine! You know I’m fine with anything!” Akaashi side-eyes you and parked his car right at the shop. When you got in there the shops seems brand new and only around five customers were there along with two workers at the counter. The setting and energy around the restaurant makes you shiver. You don’t know why but it was probably the huge Onigiri Miya at the top of the menu list at the counter. Akaashi took a seat at one of the table that holds up to six people. “I thought there will only be three of us?” you asked as you seated yourself down right across from him, taking off the bag from your shoulder.

“Ah, Bokuto-san is bringing along his friend.” Akaashi replied to the text Bokuto sent and put his phone on the table.” You proceeded to have your eyes darted all across the entire restaurant and look into the menu while squinting your eyes and assessing every dishes that the restaurant had for its consumers.

“Ah there are too many options I don’t know what to order.” Akaashi hums. “Oh just order anything you want, besides, this place is still new, the main branch is in Hyogo.” He unlocked his phone and type away, while talking. Even when he is not in his office he will always work. “I got the news of the opening from Bokuto, he knows the owner personally. I only know of him because he opened a booth during Bokuto’s game in Miyagi.” You sighed. “Ah, stop making me sad, you know I still regret not going to the game” you plopped your head on the table and sighs loudly. “I’m finally free...I really want to go to his games. It must be fun.” Akaashi pulls on your hair and laughs in small laughter. “Well, now that you’re a little loose on the schedule, you can even visit him during practice you know?” you sat up. “For real?” Akaashi nods.

You smiled and the door opens with a really loud voice that belongs to the ever so cheerful Bokuto, your high school senior and best friend. You quickly stand up and headed to the door. “Ah, [Name]-chan I miss you!” Bokuto hugged you and lifted you in the air, making you laugh really loudly and having you spin in the air for quite some time. The whole store was looking at you. “Bokuto-san stop!! Everyone’s looking...” you giggled shyly and fixes the dishevelled hair, out of the too many head rubs Bokuto gave you. “Congrats on your internship, I am so proud of you” Bokuto laughs out loud and pulls you into another hug.

“Waah, Bokuto-san you seemed to miss me a lot! I’m sorry I didn’t come to your game” you pulled away from the hug and wipes the small tears you let out. “Hey hey hey! It’s okay! I know you’re going to come to one of my games in the future right!” Bokuto looks at the door which was opened. “Ah you need to see my teammate, he’s the one from Hyogo that I have been talking about!”

You looked to the side, and you think that the world is going to collapse if you release the breath you have been holding in.

“Tsum-tsum, meet [Name], my friend” Atsumu was there at the door and he too, was shocked at how he got to see you again in the most unexpected place. He never would have thought you’ve been around him for this long, for the many years he would pray that he can see you again and make sure you’re happy and you could be within his reach because he wants the best for you, because he loves you and he misses you, so he mindlessly walk too close towards you, eyes still processing whatever that was in front of him. He took in every single feature of yours with mouth wide open. He was too overwhelmed.

He saw how your hair is not the shoulder length as it was supposed to be before, instead of the longer ones that would have your ends brush the sleeves of your uniform, the soft ends of your hair barely touches your shoulder, how you’re dressed in a comfortable jeans and sweater that hugs your body in an adorable manner, how your smile was stretched back into a single line with no curve that usually creates a small dimple on your cheeks.

You were beautiful and he missed you. Before he lunges forward to have you in his embrace he snapped and brought his hands forward, waiting for you to hold your hands in his. You seem like you don’t want to make others know how you’re acquaintances before you moved so he played along.

“Hi, my name’s Miya Atsumu. Pleasure to meet you.” Atsumu smiles genuinely.

_I’m so happy to see you again._

You blinked as you look at the guy in front of you. This time you looked straight into his eyes. You felt a stray tear dropped from your eye and Atsumu who was smiling so brightly, the smile that would make you weak in the knees turns into an expression of sadness with the eyebrows furrowed. You wiped your eyes and shaked his hands.

“I’m [Name], pleasure to meet you too.” This time you smiled really wide, trying you best to suppress the longing feeling you had for Atsumu. Bokuto took your hands that was disconnected from Atsumu and dragged you to the table you previously sat on with Akaashi.

Atsumu sat next to Bokuto, across from you who was right next to Akaashi. It was pretty much silent, you were looking down and was fiddling with your fingers under the table. Atsumu still had his eyes on you and would look at Bokuto and talk about some stuff. Bokuto finally starts to talk about you and it was then that you would look up, have your eyes on Atsumu and looks to Bokuto to avoid his stare.

“Tsum-tsum, [Name] here is a doctor! She is so amazing and so smart!” Bokuto was too excited and you blushed. “Bokuto-san I haven’t graduated yet...stop...” you blushed and tucks your hair behind your ear, Bokuto is a show-off since high school, you weren’t even that great.

Atsumu spoke up. He was smiling. “Oh, that’s great, [Name], must have been a lot of work ya did there.” You smiled at him. Does he mean that words as someone you knew from Inarizaki High or as the one who introduced himself as Bokuto’s teammate? You do not know. But you were glad and thankful for the kind gesture. “Thank you, that means a lot to me.”

Bokuto breaks the awkward silence by flicking his fingers. “Okay, since I will be treating you guys today, what would you like for dinner, [Name]-chan?” Bokuto asked, mimicking the voice of a baby while pinching your cheeks. “Ah Bokuto-san stopp it hurts...” you pouted as you rub the cheeks Bokuto pinched at. “I’ll have the triple combo of onigiri set, with soda water.” Akaashi said after rubbing his chin. “[Name] do you want the usual one or a different kind this time?” you looked to the side and side-eyed him. “Hey, of course the regular ones, tamago onigiri please.” Atsumu’s eyes widen and he smiles at you. You smirked back. “I’ll have tamago onigiri too, then. It has been a long time.” Atsumu smiles and Bokuto nodded. “Ah Tsum-tsum, no tuna onigiri for today?” Atsumu shakes his head.

The door opened, there are two loud guys at the entrance bickering with each other. The guy with a white track jacket headed to Atsumu and they did the bro-hug guys usually do. And as he turned around, he saw you. It was Suna Rintarou, your classmate from Inarizaki High.

“[Name]! What...what are you doing here, it has been so long!” Suna screams and charged towards you and pull you out of your seat and hugged you tightly. “Oh my, how would I thought I could see you here, are you doing okay? You already met Atsumu? The fuck, man you didn’t even tell us?” Suna lets you go and you saw the other guy to be Osamu, he had his eyes widened too and reached to hug you but he pulls back as he saw your face turns into horror.

“What is this about...you know them already? [Name]?” Akaashi asked you but you still have your back turned away from the table. Atsumu was stuttering and he was trying to stop Suna from talking but Suna lightly pushed him away. “Eh, whatddya mean? Of course I know her we’re classmates!” Suna grins excitedly and Atsumu had already gave up and he remains seated in his seat. “I didn’t know about this before?” Akaashi asked and Bokuto is still confused with anything that is happening as of the moment. You already had your hands covering your whole face, too embarrassed to show your face to Akaashi.

Atsumu was already glaring at Suna and Osamu immediately gets it. Suna promised to shut up and he kept on apologising to you. “[Name], I’m sorry I didn’t know...” Suna reaches out to you but you sobbed even more and Akaashi hugged you and pats you at the back. “It’s ok....it’s ok you’re safe here, I’m here for you.” Akaashi rubs your back and you hold on to the shirt he had on, and calms down after a while.

Atsumu can only watch and do nothing. He can’t even tell you that they mean no harm and that you’re safe, he so wants to be Akaashi right now, the one who hugs you and rubs your back, whispering to you that he will be there for you, but it is all just a dream. So he just kept on staring at you and sips his drink in guilt.

Akaashi already drag you by the hand to sit yourself on the chair along with the rest of guys around you, you still had your face covered, this time with a handkerchief Akaashi pulled out from his pocket. He pats at your back and have a tall glass of water in your hand for you to drink. “She’s like this sometimes, but she will be fine in another minute, so don’t worry.” Suna was the most guilty of them all, he stood far from the table and signals to Atsumu, asking if you were okay, Atsumu puts his palm up, making sure Suna knows that he still needs to be away.

After you heaved a breath, you wiped your face with the handkerchief and looks up to everyone around you. “Ah, shoot, sorry Akaashi, I ruined another one of your pretty handkerchief.” Akaashi sighed in relief. Bokuto signals to Atsumu. _She’s okay now_. Atsumu and Suna sighed in relief too, Osamu hurried to the kitchen to make your favourite onigiri, along with others’ orders too. “Suna-san you don’t have to apologise, I’m fine now.” Suna smiles. “Okay, can I sit here?” you nodded and Suna sat himself next to you. He pats at your back and you huffed and hiccupped, seems like the cries won’t stop yet but at least you felt a little better.

“I’m sorry, Akaashi, Bokuto-san I can’t tell you before because I’m not prepared, I-I just I’m scared I don’t–“ Akaashi playfully hits you at the back. “It’s fine. I told you that it is up to you when you want to tell, we’re always ready to listen.”Akaashi smiled and hugs you again. Today seems to be about people hugging you, not that you’re complaining though.

“So what happened, where did you move to, [Name]?” Suna asked and leaned his chin in his hand on the table. Atsumu glared and kicked his shin under the table. “You know-it’s fine ya don’t have ta–“ “No no, it’s ok, it is about time to talk...” you cut Suna off, face still in embarrassment. “I moved to Tokyo...and I went to Fukurodani, make friends with them, and continue my studies at Tokyo U...that’s just all, I guess.” Suna awes and smiles at you.

“So you already know Tsum-tsum? Wow I was right! I swore Tsum-tsum’s face looks like he just saw his first love, he went–“ Atsumu shoved a cucumber into Bokuto’s mouth. “Shud–shuddup idiot! Eat your damn food!” Atsumu was flustered and blushing like crazy while Bokuto choked on the food that was forced inside his mouth. “Ouch Tsum-tsum it hurts!” Bokuto whines and tickles at Atsumu’s sides a bit harshly. The fight died down once Osamu himself set the tray of food on the table, Atsumu took the plate of tamago onigiri and put it in front of you, and passed the other plates of onigiri to everyone else. Suna got himself his regular favourites and after everyone said the greetings and praises for the lovely dinner, everyone digs in. As you were eating, you would occasionally caught him staring at you, partially because you were intending to stare at him and both of you would cough and looks away to the point that Atsumu choked on his food.

The rest of the dinner went by smoothly, it is still hard to talk openly because your old friends from the sad memory are here with you but whenever Suna would ask about you, answers are out with ease and no stuttering and anxiousness flooding over you like before. It was nice, overall. It is a good thing that they don’t ask much about your transfer to Tokyo which makes you rest easy. Sometimes the past should stay there and the affect of it shouldn’t hit you again.

Atsumu, on the other hand was still having his eyes pace all over your face and to Suna’s, he’s convinced that if Osamu was there on the table, he would have his eyes all muscly because of the constant and never-ending stare at every milliseconds from you to Suna and to Osamu and the cycle goes. He was worried that their words might hurt you because he knows so well that the image of you, crying endlessly would always sit in his mind and he can never forget that even if it has been years since he last saw you. When he sees you again, unprepared even, he had no idea what to do so everything that he did was on impulse, it was spontaneous and random and whatever that he was doing felt right, then actions are made. When Suna asks about how Tokyo was Atsumu had his mind process the situation as something harmful and he swore he saw a big red police light goes off on your head because the drop of smile and he almost said something but he hastily bit his tongue from letting the words to come out because the frown turns into a laughter that is so beautiful he wants to punch Suna in the face for making it happen. _Stop stealin’ her from me ya fuckin’ idiot_. Atsumu glared and Suna smirks. Suna has no malicious intentions, other than making sure you get the hint that Atsumu has been waiting for this moment since forever, to have you within his reach.

Bokuto and Akaashi are geniuses, they finally gets it. With the blaring gaze of Atsumu towards Suna changed into something when the beholder of a pair of eyes sees an angel from the seventh level of heaven, they knew so well there must have been something that was going on between you and Atsumu. Akaashi smiles wide. He loves having the idea of you in love and knowing it might be Atsumu, it might have made him has the plan to make sure you got married to Atsumu and have kids together. The public may have seen Atsumu as an asshole but he knew there was something more in that guy, his carefulness and his sweet personality is something he don’t project to the eyes of people that usually but when he does, it is a beautiful sight to see. His stern attitude is just about his professionalism in his career, and Akaashi understands that. If it isn’t for his discipline forwardness he wouldn’t make it to the national team anyways.

After everyone is done eating you were yawning and Bokuto got worried and everyone else does too. You were sure it feels like dream come true that so many people are taking care of you and you blushed. “Ah [Name]-chan is already so tired, let’s go home everyone. We need to make sure she rest properly” you were leaning back into the cushioned seat and smiled at Bokuto, he is too caring and adorable!

“Yeah, I’m exhausted but it was fun. Thank you everyone.” You smiled so brightly and Atsumu was smiling too but you didn’t dare look at him because you were sure you can combust. “Alright, I’ll drive you home, let’s go.” Akaashi stood up and put his bag on his shoulders and you do the same. The rest of the guys stood up too and you saw Osamu coming from the kitchen.

“Osamu, the food is great, I’m so proud of you!!” You grin excitedly. Osamu laughs. “course! Come by anytime yeah? I will make sure you taste everything the next time” Osamu points his finger and clicked his tongue at you. “Come on here, it’s been years, don’t ya miss me?” Osamu opens his arms wide. You walked in slow steps and eventually lunging yourself into the hug. “Hmm, not that much, but true, I do miss you guys” Osamu pats your back. Suna was already glaring but Atsumu? He’s jealous and Bokuto giggles as he whispered to Akaashi.

As you pulled away Suna opens his arms to hug you too, and you did. “Hey, proud of you. I’m sorry for everything I did to you in high school.” Suna pouted and looks down in shame. You pushed him gently. “Hey, I’m fine now!! Stop being such a drama queen!” you giggled and he smiled back, and as you turn around Atsumu was there too. “Hye, [Name]” Atsumu was laughing nervously and is smiling like an idiot and he saw Osamu’s suppressed laugh and Suna, already laughing, hiding behind Osamu.

“Hye, Atsumu. I missed you too.” You throw yourself on him and hugs him. Atsumu was surprised and after some time he put his whole arms, hugging the breath out of you while having his head near your hair. He’s going to use all this chance to breath in your scent that he has been longing for years to count now and he felt like he’s rejoicing and is brought back to life again. Like the angel had made sure he bathed in flowers to make sure he knew that this smell that is in his memory will always be yours and it will always be his favourite, and even after years, it is still the same, like the love he felt for you.

You continued to snuggle your head deeper into his chest and you loved it. So many times in school when you could have this moment you always push it away, afraid of yourself and afraid that he might get affected because of you, and finally when all of those monsters inside you are tamed and you have taken control of it, it feels nice. You pulled away after some time, and you might have felt that Atsumu doesn’t want to let go but he did anyways. You smiled at him again and he laughed, there are suppressed tears forcing itself to come out but Atsumu controls it like it’s not a problem.

“We all missed ya, [Name]” Atsumu heaved a breath he didn’t know he kept in as he unwraps his arms around you. When you walk out the door, waving your delicate hands at him before taking off with Akaashi, he knew that this time, you are within his reach.

Atsumu wishes it was him who’s the one besides you in the car, but he knows it will be his place soon enough. When he’s ready.

-

It has been months since he last saw you. He’s blaming no one but himself. Why does he have to be such a busy athlete. His schedule is packed, just a week after meeting you after a long time he needs to fly overseas for practice, a week later he goes back to Japan, for more practice, and when he had a whole week off he took off to Hyogo for family time and he can’t get out of it no matter how many times he convinced his parents. Even though he can sit one dinner out to see you he can’t, he cares too much about what his parents feel, it is not like the years of him getting used to living in Tokyo he can get rid of the homesickness too.

Whenever he does have a time for himself, he will always be busy, with all the bills to pay, car services, and house-cleaning, and tons of adult stuff he needs to do. Even if he does, he has no idea how to properly ask you out anyways. He don’t have your number, your address or your workplace. He only hear that Bokuto brags about how you’re in the general surgery department and is the one responsible to take care of the patients in the operation room, despite being new. He wants to ask about where you work but he thinks that it would be rude to ask without your consent so he just kept quiet.

The endless training made him tired, and he had to take few days off because of the throbbing pain in his knee. He was told by his teammates that he’s pulling himself back from tossing better. He would grab every chance to sit down and sometimes he would trip because his legs gave up and then knew why.

“Your knee...it’s terrible.” The physiotherapist said. He was checking on Atsumu’s knees, pressing and bending it a little to see his reaction towards possible pain. “We don’t have quite an advantage to see what’s really inside, but I think’s it’s probably muscle tore.” Atsumu freaked out. “S’not going to take that long wouldn’t it? To recover?” Atsumu smiles in horror. “Well, probably up to six weeks, for better recovery, but you can always go to the general hospital for more, I can only provide an advice and a few sets of pills. Other than that, you’re fine.” The guy smiles at Atsumu and proceeded to head to his office table and make a phone call. He called for a doctor in the general hospital for an appointment specialised for Atsumu. He just sighed, finally he can have a reason to rest though he is in so much pain.

-

Atsumu had Osamu drove him to the hospital first thing in the morning, said that he can’t be driving when he’s injured and then the whining twin finally dropped him off at the hospital entrance. “When I call ya, ya better be here sharp!” Osamu yells a cuss word and Atsumu laughed. When he walks into the hospital his laughing demeanour turns into a sour expression. He hates hospitals, there aren’t many fond memories of it since he used to get in and out of it for always tripping and falling sick quite often as a child, and now he is currently limping due to an injury that put a halt to his fast progressing career.

Even with a scheduled appointment there are still many people who waited for their turns and Atsumu gets bored, so he would check on his social media and read through the comments. He didn’t say anything about him taking a long break even when the entire club knows about it already, but some day there will be a release of article about it. He scrolled to find endearing messages people would leave under his posts and often looks at the small children around the area he was sitting. He tried to play with some kids and two of them ended up crying so he stopped altogether and further bury himself in the hood of his jacket.

The appointment ends well, just like the physiotherapist said he won’t suffer for that long and all he needed was rest and anti-inflammatory pills to soothe the pain. He asked the doctor for more advice and so on an even called the team manager to tell him about the check-up.

Once he walk out of the lobby of the hospital, there’s a person he was dying to see for so long.

It was you, leisurely walking with hands in the pockets of your lab coat, underneath the coat is surgery scrubs and you wore a white pair of shoes along with it, hair dishevelled even when you already tied it high-up. But none of the messy appearance could make you turn any less pleasant than how you are as of the moment. You were humming and smiling to other visitors in the hospital with hands in the pocket and skipped around on the floor. When you set your eyes on his, your face turns shocked, a happy kind.

“Atsumu! What are you doing here?” you asked and rushed towards him while he stood there petrified to the ground. “[Name]! I should be asking you!” you scoffed and push him with your fist. “Um hello sir, I work here, I thought it was pretty obvious!” you laughed while greeting a nurse that walks past you.

“Oh yeah, pftt how stupid of me” he was panting and is nervous. He never would have thought, again. You were lifting your eyebrows, possibly waiting for Atsumu’s reply. “Oh shit, yeah, you asked earlier. I had an appointment, the doctor said I’ve muscle tear.” Your eyes widen and you pulled him carefully and sit himself on the chair near the both of you. “Are you feeling okay? Any pain, does it make you flinch when I do this and can you walk? I will–“ you panicked and examined his whole body while tucking hair behind your ear to make your vision clear of any obstruction.

“Hey-hey it’s fine, already met the doctor. Ya can relax now.” Atsumu grips on your hand that was holding his legs with gentle and care. You looked up, breathing laboured. “Good” coughs. You looked away and eventually find your eyes looking at the watch on your wrist.

“Hey...if you’re free, right now...do you mind...be my company while I eat? Have lunch with me, my treat.” Atsumu nods after some time. “Oh well, I got a whole month of break so why not?” Atsumu got up and you instantly supported him by hugging his left arm. Atsumu flushed and nervously asked.”Wh-what...are you–“ you glared. “Hey, quit whining, you’re a patient and it is only right for me to help you, kay?” your smaller figure looks up to him from the side and he can only reply a simple ‘okay’ in a defeated manner.

You still had your hands holding him and walks along to the cafeteria. You helped him seat somewhere even though he is perfectly able to walk and stand on his own next to you as you bought some onigiris and drinks. “I bought a simple onigiri for you, is that okay?” “Of course!” You smiled and before you even pull him up he already got on his feet on my own. “Dun worry, doctor, my knees aren’t broken yet..” he smirked to you and you frowned. “Hey stop freaking me out, there shouldn’t be a ‘yet’...” you glared at him. Atsumu realises you’re more carefree than before and he’s proud of you. When you pushed the button of the elevator you side-eyed him.

“What’s with the staring...stop...” Atsumu chuckled. He got in, with you to the deepest corner where the buttons were at and he had his arms pressed onto your figure. Some patients walked inside of the elevator. “Eh? Hey doctor!” a teenage patient waved at you as she gripped the IV pole with her. “Oh hey! Are you feeling better?” you asked the girl as you reached to press the button, Atsumu pressed onto the wall of the elevator more since your outstretched arm trapped him between you and the elevator button rows.

“Yep, I’m feeling better now, thanks to you!” the girl smiled in delight and you replied with a ‘you’re welcome’ and she looks to Atsumu. “Hold on, you’re Miya Atsumu! The volleyball guy!” Atsumu stood straight. “Oh, doctor you know him? Oh...” the girl smiled sneakily and looks at you and to Atsumu. “Um...he’s an old friend” you nodded and smiles awkwardly while looking down to your white shoes. Atsumu snickers silently and glances at your shy figure.

Once the elevator door open the girl got out and said “you guys look cute together, goodbye!” she scrammed and giggled loudly. “Hey, I’m going to lock you in your room, later!” you blushed and looked away from Atsumu who was laughing loudly in the elevator. The other patients and nurse in there giggled too and you saw one of them glossing their eyes at the sight of you and Atsumu. Once the elevator reached the rooftop, you dragged Atsumu out of there.

“Behold, the rooftop!” you psuhed the glass door and spread your arms open, like you’re spreading your angel wings. Atsumu thinks the flowers that was neatly arranged behind the marble seats on the rooftop was really pretty and the smell is really nice there. There aren’t that many people and some of them were taking pictures together with the flowers as the backdrop. Atsumu saw the image of you and him in your respective school uniforms studying together and you taking a nap while he sits and hums to a song. What’s different from then and now is the fact that his adoration to you is larger than how it was from high school, and he thinks that it won’t stop growing.

He was still basking in the view and the fresh scent of flower that wraps the environment there and you spoke up, making him open his eyes with you pulling his hands. “Okay, cmon let’s sit and dig in.” You pulled him carefully and made him sit on the marble seat that was surrounded with beautiful and colourful flowers.

“Sorry there’s no better place than this, just love hanging out here.” You unwrapped the onigiri and gave it to him, while opening a bottle of coffee for yourself. “S’ cool. It’s nice here. Thanks.” Atsumu bites on the onigiri and looks out to the concrete jungle. This seems really nostalgic. “Atsumu, I’ve moved on from the past, you don’t have to be so uptight” you giggled even when you’re still chewing, hands covering your mouth, more appropriate that way . “Ah...ok...sorry” Atsumu smiles at you and you smiled back. “How’s your life in Fukurodani, I found out ya went there during dinner the other day” Atsumu sighs, if he knew of it he would have tried to at least look for you.

“Um, it was really cool. I made a lot of friends and Bokuto-san and Akaashi are the ones I’m still close to this day” you tap your legs on the granite floor of the rooftop. “I also went on a date, the guy is cute and he’s nice.” Atsumu felt his heart shattering but who is he to even feel disappointed. He should be happy that you had fun and is in love. “Oh...that’s great! I’m happy for ya. He must be a great guy!” you laughed. “Except, we broke up when we graduate, it didn’t work” you lift a finger at his face, to stop him from having the same thought that you’re not available. “Nooo Atsumu don’t be sad and grumpy like that, I’m fine! It ended on good terms and we’re...let’s say we’re just friends now, yeah.” You continued laughing and shyly hit his arms as his face turns weirder in a second.

Atsumu would never thought that you could be this cute and expressive before. He wonders how much fun you’ve had with your ex-boyfriend, he wonders if he took you out on a study date before, a detour to the pool or brought you home after a long day at school because that’s what he did and he’s fuming at the thought that you must have held hands with him. He wants to ask you out but he doesn’t seem too courageous about it and he don’t want to make you uncomfortable.

“Oh, well, it must have suck. ‘M sure there are plenty more of good guys out there for ya” Atsumu poked at your sides and you arched your body. The conversation went on and Atsumu finally let his guard down and talk to you normally and he enjoys it as much as you do. Atsumu would tell you about volleyball, a list of Bokuto’s weakness and you replied to tons more of it, he said he now has a year supply of stuffs to use to drag Bokuto. He tells you about Osamu’s onigiri shop and said how he will treat you to some later (though you knew Atsumu won’t pay for it), about how his seniors are doing after school, and you would tell more about your big family, how your mom remarried and how Ran got out of the juvie to become a helper at a mental hospital in the countryside. You have so many things to tell him and after tons of talking you finally decided to break the conversation because you need to get back to your shift since break’s over.

Atsumu thinks the whole hospital knows you. When you were talking while walking next to him towards the large entrance, a small kid called for you. “Doc!!!” the small kid ran to you with a bag of treats in his small hands. “Aww Yuki-chan!” you gasped and crouched down to the kid’s height and hug him since he opened his hands first. The small kid named Yuki giggled into the laugh and you immediately hold his hands after letting go of him. “Doc I mish you when will you come see me again” Yuki pouted. Atsumu was simply enjoying the sight of you and small kids. Your smile looks stupidly cute. “Aww Yuki-chan, I’m sorry I’m so busy, there are so many kids that has ouchie like you, you know” you pinched his nose and he still pouted. Yuki finally looked at Atsumu who was standing there in silence and awkwardness, eyes never left your face. “Doc...who’s this guy?” Yuki glared at Atsumu and Atsumu glared back. “I’m an athlete, kid, and I’m Doc’s best friend.” Atsumu smirks, wanting to piss the kid off. He never liked kids anyway. Yuki pulls your coat closer and whispers into your ear. “Ah, Yuki-chan, his name is Miya Atsumu, he plays volley. When he throw the ball, it makes this verrrrryyyy loud noise, you know!” Yuki frowned at you. “Doc...do you like him?” Atsumu chokes on his saliva. “UH...uh...Yuki-chan! What do you have in your hands there!” you asked and poked at the package Yuki was holding.

“Oh, gummies! You want some, Doc?” Yuki reached his small fingers into the package and give you the apple flavour. “Aww this is my favourite! Thank you, Yuki-chan” you pinched and pats the small kid’s head. “How about Atsumu? He wants one too, don’t you think?” you looked at Atsumu and he was flustered. “Hey, I said nothin’” Yuki waves his hand, signalling Atsumu come closer, Atsumu ducks down too, hands already out to which Yuki put a gummy on.

Yuki whispers into Atsumu. “Take care of Doc, or I will tickle you” you tried to listen in but both Atsumu and Yuki stops you with palm before your face. “Atsumu don’t steal my friend from me!” you giggled and stayed away anyway. Atsumu whispers back. “Course I will! Don’t tell me what ta do!” Atsumu rose up as Yuki put a thumbs up and walked away from the both of you.

“The kid is cute” Atsumu sighs while looking at the cute kid walking about in a patient’s gown with the nurse walking with him. “Yeah, he’s here cause of a surgery in his stomach, quite a rare condition but my senior operated on him and he’s getting better.” You put your hands in the pocket again, mouth still having the apple-flavoured gummy inside. “Oh, were you apart of the surgery?” Atsumu asked and your eyes shined bright. “Yeah! I assisted the surgeon!” you smiled nervously. Atsumu felt like his heart is going to jump out of his chest, he is so fond of you and he can’t help it with how much you made him proud of you. “That’s...amazing, [Name]. You’re so amazing” Atsumu smiles and stood closer to you, he wanted to kiss you so badly.

He was about to close in and you were already closing your eyes and then a loud siren comes blaring to the emergency department. “Oh, god, Atsumu, I gotta go, thank you for being my company and get home safely rest well and take care, okay? Bye!” you said in a haste and ran towards the ambulance while tying your hair. He don’t have the chance to say anything before you left so he carefully stares at how you talk to the paramedic and transfers the patient on the bed and hops on their body to do CPR. Atsumu’s heart was thrumming and he’s blushing so hard he thinks he got spooked and when Osamu calls him he picked it up nervously and is unable to form coherent sentence, Osamu teased Atsumu about it on the way home and Atsumu regrets not asking for your number.

-

Atsumu spent weeks at home, sometimes he had his physiotherapist over to look after him, sometimes he just do his exercises alone and it got significantly better after a splendid obedience to what he was supposed to during his break. He would spend his time thinking about you and watch movies to make it go away, sometimes he asked Bokuto because he so badly wanted to hear about how you were doing, Bokuto ended up telling him everything that he knew and what he got because you don’t have all the time in the world to text daily but you took every chance you got to do it. Bokuto wants to give him your number but Atsumu don’t want to resist to temptation. “She’s a busy woman, don’t wanna interrupt her.” Bokuto scoffed. Atsumu was clearly lying.

So one day, when he finally got back to training he figured he wants to see you, to deliver the news that he is getting better and is already back on his feet. He wants to tell you in person and he wants to know about your day too. Bokuto had Akaashi asked the time you got off work to let Atsumu know. Akaashi understands the intention and he even made sure to tell where you usually wait for cabs, which was right at the entrance of the hospital and told Bokuto that you had the day off the next day.

After practice ends, Atsumu made sure he showered clean with his favourite cologne sprayed on him when he left. His body is complete with a jacket and a scarf around his neck, it’s going to be a cold night. Once he parked his car at the parking spot near the entrance, he got out and leaned into the back of his car, waiting for you to appear.

There you are, getting out of the automatic glass door, carrying your bag pack with you while having your hands buried deep inside of the pocket of your coat, hair flowing along with the cold wind. It makes your nose red. Shivering and blowing out warm breaths indicating that you were freezing. As he crossed the road to get to you he would saw your eyes glance up to the sky while having your arms out, like waiting for something to drop.

When Atsumu walks towards you, you gasped and covered your face with your hands. “Atsumu you’re here at the wrong time! I didn’t wash my face properly...” Atsumu laughs and proceeded to unwrap his scarf to put it around your neck. When he was tying it he nags at you. “S’ cold outside and why’re ya dressed so thinly, yer a doctor yet ya can’t take care of yerself.” When he finished tying it and adjusting it, he pulls out the hair that got stucked under the scarf. You blushed really hard but is thankful for the scarf that it hid your cheeks perfectly. “I was thinking to bring you to that small noodle bar down there at the park.” Atsumu puts out a hand to you, you put your hands on his and he immediately shove it in his pocket.

“Akaashi told you didn’t he?” you frowned, Akaashi never really asked the specific time when you got off work and you have been suspicious since then. “Bokuto did, relayed from Akaashi.” You grumbled.

The walk doesn’t last too long since it was just five minutes away from the hospital that’s why Atsumu just chose to walk instead. Besides, he need a lot of reasons to hold your hands like that so the better option is walking, despite the cold.

Atsumu took out a stool from under the table that circulates around the kitchen of the bar for you to sit and took out one for himself. It’s a humble little noodle bar, he kind of felt shame washing over him for bringing you out to a bar near your workplace after months of not seeing each other. But his thoughts are washed away when you awed at the menu of the bar. “Well my friends said this place is good but I never had the time to go here, thanks Atsumu” you smiled and flipped to the next page of the menu book. “M’ glad! I saw this place when I last came here and want to try it by myself so...” you propped your elbows on the table and leaned our chins in your palm. “I see...thank you for the honour, we’re both trying this for the first time huh?” you giggled and poured water into two cups and he receives it with politeness and drinks it in one gulp. He’s pretty nervous but he’s calmed down now.

As you eat, Atsumu tells you jokes and you would sometimes hold in a laugh because you were clearly slurping the noodles, sometimes you choke on the food, earning pats from Atsumu for you to calm down. You made fun of him who tried to suppress a laughter too and sometimes quiets down when another customer glared at you.

“Here, have some more.” As you were talking with Atsumu, the gap has already gotten smaller by now, the chef sets down a bowl of noodle for the both of you. “When the clock strikes nine, we would give free noodle bowl for couples.” The chef said, laughing loud when both you and Atsumu got flustered.

“We’re not together.” You and Atsumu said it flatly. The other chef, who happens to be the chef’s wife chuckled. “Well, that’s how we were, fifty-years before, now look at us.” The wife hugs the chef for a second and resumed cutting the scallions. Atsumu looked at you and smirks at how flushed you were. “What, yer shy now?” Atsumu giggled and you glared at him, poking at his ribs with your elbow. You ended up finishing the bowl while Atsumu steals some of the noodle and transferred it to his empty bowl. You whined because he hogged up all the fishcakes in it but he made sure to make you less grumpier than you are right now so he paid the bill, thanked the couple and gets out of the bar with you.

You looked up to the sky and puts your hand out again. You frowned. “What’s up...why are ya always checking up what’s there?” Atsumu looks up to and you chuckled. “I missed the first snowfall of the year, so the next time it falls again I don’t wanna miss it.” You shrugged and walked forward with Atsumu still next to you. “How come you missed it?” Atsumu asked and sniffed. It’s getting colder by the second. “I was inside the OR when it happened...I was so dramatic that day” you scoffed and kicks at a small pebble that was in your way. “Ah, ya missed the time to wish? I think I missed it too, so let’s just wait until the next one comes down.” You stopped walking and looked at him. “Oh, I wasn’t waiting to make a wish.” Atsumu tilted his head. “Why not?”.

You sighed. “Well, it never came true, so I don’t want to waste my time.” Atsumu smiles sadly. You must have wished to live a happy life back then but it never did happen, he was just assuming that way. “But ya never knew if it works again, so just try it when it does come.” Atsumu drags your hand and resumed walking.

It finally came down. “Ah there it is, look, it’s snowing!” you held out your hand and he did too. The cold flakes drop on the bare hand you held out and it melts when Atsumu holds it. “Let’s make a wish.” Atsumu still has your hands in his and both of you closed your eyes and make a wish.

It lasts for a long time, but Atsumu did it with his eyes open, just to savour the fact that you’re with him, hands linked together, eyes closed with a smile on your face.  
“What did you wish for, Atsumu?” you asked after opening your eyes. “It’s a long one.” Atsumu scoffed and you smirks. “Ey cmon, I promise not to tell anyone.” Atsumu sighs. “Okay.” This is the moment Atsumu actually stopped himself from being a coward.

“I wished that I could tell ya everyday how much ya mean to me, and how much I want ya to hold on to me tightly, to never let go till the end of time. I want ya to know how much I love ya and how I’m so sorry for being so mean to ya back then. I want to spend my whole life, to tell ya everyday that I’m so proud of ya and I want to be there for ya all the time. I hope ya feel the same thing too, I hope ya love me as much as I love ya” Atsumu ends with a deep breath and a chuckle. When he said, the word ‘love’ he instantly caressed your cold cheeks with his warm fingers. You let out a tear.

“Well, that’s a really long wish.” You looked into his eyes this time. A smile etched on your face, again. He loves this sight, and you know he did. “I wished that your dream will come true.” Atsumu sobbed, and he pulls your head, to connect your lips with his. He felt the tears coming out of both his and your eyes mix like it has the same chemical properties, of the same love, longing and desire to have each other close.

“You mean to tell me...that all this time you’ve held on to me?” you asked as he wipes your tears away.

“Well, yeah, and I never intended to stop anyways.” You hugged him and he held you close. The snow that clings onto the both of your hands are now melted as the hands that intermingled with each other melts it all away, like the tears that flow out of the both of you slides down to the grounds.

Atsumu kept that promise. He holds you till the end of time and you did the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there goes the end of my very first fic.
> 
> Honestly, the experience is wholesome, it's very self-indulgent and one day when I was crying cs I got rejected into the uni of my choice I write this impulsively and posted it, and now I posted the final chapter I got into the uni, after begging on my knees /j
> 
> So what I'm trying to say is that, this fic means a lot to me and I'm happy that people enjoy reading it as much as I do.  
> I made the ending to fit into the title if you noticed and I feel like it should be longer but SIKE the word count is literally 12k so I'll just end there. Since I will be busy with uni, this might be the last thing I will post for the time being, I have like one fic of Osamu and two fics of Sakusa in the draft (in my mind) that needs to be elongated but I will try my best to not be busy and not stress myself over a hobby. The course I'm registered to is like...hard... so um...pray for me and I will go through hell (academic writing) let's hope writing fics helps me in this area.
> 
> Thank you for reading! The comments really made me kick my blanket and scream loudly like a maniac OH GOD praise kink things hahaha anyways, THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU GUYS MWAHHHH HAVE A GREAT DAY!


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